Our emotions and feelings can greatly influence many situations and, it must be said, not always positively. That is why it is so important to learn this complex skill called self-control. In response to their emotions and feelings, people often make mistakes, which often leads to disappointment and, as a result,... To avoid this, you need to be able to control your thoughts, desires, feelings and emotions, and follow common sense.

In difficult life situations, it is difficult to make a decision, and we do not know what to grab onto. There is no need to make hasty conclusions. You need to turn on the internal scales and determine all the factors that influence this situation:

1. First of all, you need to ask yourself: “What do I feel and what do I want?”
2. Based on the answer received, you need to analyze the potential development of events, and then make a decision.

Simply put, having received an emotional signal, we must first analyze it, assess the risks, advantages and disadvantages, and then take action.

So, we have dealt with the internal difficulties, now all that remains is to learn to control the external world. Often, even after accepting our emotions, we don’t want to share them because we want to keep them secret or we haven’t fully come to terms with them. Regardless of the reason, you need to be able to control the flow of your emotions in order to avoid unwanted consequences. How to cope with this difficult task?

Take a break

Even if everything is seething inside and you are about to explode, you don’t need the whole world to know about it.

When going out or just before meeting people from whom you want to hide your true mood, take a deep breath, remember a few pleasant moments, and promise yourself that for several hours you will pause and not think about your problem.

Self-hypnosis always works, convince yourself for at least a few hours that everything is fine, and the whole world will believe you.

Keep your balance

First of all, it is important to understand that balance is important for any person. How to save it?

You can’t just close yourself off from feelings while fulfilling your life plan.

After all, it is feelings and emotions that spiritually saturate our body, give us a charge of energy and fill life with meaning. That is, the main task is to achieve harmony between feelings and reason, and then it will be easier to decide which emotions can be demonstrated and which are better to hide.

Smile

A smile is not only a beautiful accessory that attracts attention more than the most luxurious dress, but also a proven way to have fun. Our muscles get used to emotions, so in the case of a smile, you can do exactly the opposite.

Try smiling for at least a few minutes, and you won’t notice how a good mood will appear by itself, or with the help of this small but effective trick.

There are situations when we simply need a figurehead. You can, of course, buy glasses with a nose and mustache, but we don’t think that you will be understood correctly. So you better take our advice. They will help you hide your emotions at the right time.

Tomatoes and lemons

Psychologists say that the most difficult things to hide are embarrassment and disgust. There are people who, even in situations of extreme embarrassment, will never blush. And there you are - blushing at any compliment from a more or less handsome young man.

In fact, embarrassment manifests itself in everyone, just in different ways (for example, sweaty palms). Only this is easier to hide than a crimson complexion, you must agree. This cannot be completely avoided, but reducing the brightness of the “color” is quite possible. You need to convince yourself that others don’t care about your burning cheeks. Most often this is true. You can also use the techniques that are often offered in acting courses for liberation.

Their essence is to artificially create situations that will cause embarrassment. You can, for example, stand at the exit of the subway and ask: “Can you tell me how to get to the subway?” Get ready to be looked at as if you were a fool. But after the fifth or sixth time, the embarrassment will subside, and you will get the hang of it. Such training will make you feel much more confident. Now let's move on to the lemons. Disgust is best demonstrated by your curled mouth - when the muscles of your face involuntarily clench into a grimace at the sight of something unpleasant.

The best way to hide disgust is to abstract yourself from the object that causes this feeling. Picture in your imagination a small house with a fireplace and yourself in it, a large teddy bear or a porous chocolate bar the size of a brick. Simply put, what calms you down. A more radical way is to pinch yourself on the arm (the painful shock will cause your brain to switch and your face to return to its normal state).

Laughter through tears

Why, when you can’t cry at all, do you urgently need a paper handkerchief, and when in absolute silence someone very important talks about something serious, are you ready to burst into laughter for any reason? This is the effect of the “no” law. Our body constantly requires a surge of adrenaline, and if you don’t jump with a parachute on Sundays, then the release happens in this way.

We all have a pattern since childhood: if it’s impossible, then we need to get this item immediately. Tell yourself: you can laugh and cry too. In any situation. You will see that you will immediately want to laugh and cry less. There are a couple of timeless ways to hold back your tears. The first is to count to ten in your head, stopping for, say, a sausage.

No, no, no need to run to the refrigerator. It will look like this: “One - sausage - two - sausage - three...” And since we’re talking about food, it also helps cope with tears. Carry something sweet in your purse for such occasions, such as candy. The second way is to remember a funny story.

Much has been said about the benefits of laughter, but nevertheless Sometimes laughing is just rude. Switching your attention will help you restrain yourself. If you feel that the laughs are already coming, turn sharply away from the object of laughter and multiply seven by thirty-six in your mind, take a deep breath, and then remember the first stanza of “The Stranger” by Blok. You can also draw something in a notebook or try to compose a song.

Terribly interesting

Sometimes you have to hide such a thing as interest. Boys don't like it when girls pay too much attention to them. Still, they are the hunters, and we are the victims - and this formula has been strengthened over the centuries. To hide your interest, try to stay away from the object of desire, talk more quietly, and do not fiddle with your clothes.

Because all of the above actions speak of your difficult attitude towards him. If your hand just reaches out to twirl a strand of hair (on a subconscious level - a sexual appeal), take something in your hand. You will be surprised, but hiding fear is the easiest thing to do. Manifestations of fear are not as obvious as other emotions: dilated pupils, stiffness of the whole body, slight dizziness. Naturally, if you have to go on stage in a minute, but your arms and legs don’t want to obey, this is not very good. First, you should try to determine the causes of fear.

Maybe you are shivering from clowns because as a child your parents showed you a film about a killer clown and your fragile mind, having absorbed this information then, still associates them all with creepy monsters? If there is no time for soul-searching, there is another, much faster way. Promise yourself something very pleasant - for example, adding new shoes to your wardrobe, if you can overcome yourself now.

A smile will also help hide fear - the fact is that when our lips form a smile, a signal is sent to the brain, meaning peace and calm. Then the brain reduces the emotional load on your body, all limbs relax, the tongue begins to function normally again, and you act like a queen.

Emotions are what makes us human. But sometimes the expression of feelings is completely inappropriate, interferes with thinking sensibly and leads to mistakes. You cannot (and should not!) keep yourself from experiencing certain emotions. But it needs to be manifested and expressed at the right time and in the right place. Use your feelings constructively and don't let them destroy everything you've been trying to achieve for so long.

Don't rock yourself

Regulate the temperature of your emotions like the temperature on a thermostat. Not too hot, not too cold - just right to feel good. This applies to both good and bad emotions.

Excessive enthusiasm can be inappropriate, as can overly aggressive or depressive behavior.

People who know how to control their emotions always try to avoid disharmony in their state of mind.

Stop to think

Do you feel like you're boiling? This is a dangerous condition, and you need to get yourself in order as soon as possible. Instead of reacting to the situation immediately, think about what tools and solutions you can use. Cool down and reflect on what happened, regaining your focus and ability to analyze. Hasty decisions most often bring a bitter feeling of regret. On the other hand, a short pause will help you focus on what is most important and choose an effective and tactful way to solve the problem.

Avoid emotional overload

Emotional overload is a situation in which a certain feeling completely takes over you. This condition is accompanied by physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, increased breathing, trembling knees, sweating and nausea. Do you feel something similar? This is a clear sign that you are emotionally overwhelmed. Instead of going with the flow and giving up, pull yourself together! Process the information piece by piece, gradually coming to your senses. You can evaluate the result with a sober look.

Practice deep breathing

The body's reaction to emotional overload directly affects all muscles of the body. You experience tension, after which you will definitely feel overwhelmed. To avoid such surges, practice deep breathing. It will saturate your brain with oxygen and help you relax. The technique is very simple: stop whatever you are doing, close your eyes and inhale very slowly through your nose, counting down five seconds. Hold your breath for another two seconds, and then exhale just as slowly through your mouth, again counting to five. Repeat at least 10 times.

Avoid emotional company

People are known to easily convey their emotions to others. This is why you should avoid those who see only the negative in everything: you will borrow the same point of view without even noticing. The same applies to overly emotional people. If you want to control your feelings and be in harmony, you should distance yourself from those who can be called drama queens.

Think about the solution, not the problem

A negative reaction to a difficult situation is one of the most common problems associated with emotions. Feeling sad or angry as a reaction to changed circumstances is normal, but irrational.

You can’t stop thinking about the problem; you need to use the time to think through a plan for the next actions.

Make a list of possible solutions, be creative and... During work, emotions will fade into the background, you will come out of the situation as a winner.

Sometimes we just need to pull ourselves together and keep a calm face. But situations in life are different, we can promise ourselves as much as we want, control the outbursts of our emotions, but in the most extreme situation we can again remove the mask of impenetrability and expose our feelings to other people. Then we begin to envy those who know how to curb their emotions. In reality, there are not many such people. If you are not a scout seasoned in dangerous situations or a philosopher who has long ago renounced the worries of this world, then you are an ordinary person to whom this article will tell you how to hide your feelings.

About motivation

First, let's figure out why you need to hide something. Do you have any reasons for this? Maybe you are ashamed of your weaknesses? Or are you afraid of attacks from other people? Perhaps it is simply very difficult for you to demonstrate what you are experiencing because you do not know how to correctly express your needs. Once you understand what motivates you to put on a mask of impartiality, you will understand whether you should contact a psychotherapist who will teach you how to express emotions correctly or act alone.

Choose your mask

If you want to easily get along in a large and complex team, choose a role for yourself. Put on the mask of a “business lady”, “bitch”, “soul of the company” or “conflict-free smart girl”. And play the role appropriate to this mask. You can be anyone, the choice is yours. The image should correspond as closely as possible to reality, your real character and temperament. But be careful! Over time, the mask will adhere to the skin, and you will become who you want to appear.

Your little trick

Figure out for yourself how to quickly block negative emotions. This could be a phrase that miraculously calms you down. For example, some kind of aphorism, proverb that can bring you to your senses in a difficult situation. Or imagine a picture of complete harmony. You are sailing on a boat. And there is peace and quiet all around. Transparent water is shrouded in morning haze. The sun is rising ahead. And on the shore you can see rustling reeds and green grass; if you listen to it, you can hear the dew flowing down. Have you calmed down? Then the next time there is a scandal in the family or at work, or you find yourself in another stressful situation, mentally go to your favorite place and enjoy its delights.

Fixation on an outsider

No one will see your hidden feelings if you learn to unexpectedly distract yourself from the other person's words. Do you feel like you're about to explode? Concentrate on your breathing or start looking closely at your boss’s jewelry, then you’ll just listen to most of her barbs. A very good method is visualization of emotions. Imagine, for example, that your anger is a stream of fire passing through your body, but not touching your heart. You can imagine yourself as a quiet, calm lake, into the serene waters of which the interlocutor begins to throw stones. A pleasant splashing sound is heard from each pebble, small circles are visible, they disperse, and peace comes again.

Be smarter

There are people among us who are called energy vampires. They deliberately try to unbalance you in order to feed on your negative emotions, emptying you. They will provoke you into a quarrel, a scandal, put pressure on the most painful places, and humiliate people dear to you. Don't pay attention! Don't give such a person what he wants to achieve. Why do you need to feed this vampire your own blood? Answer politely and, if possible, in a cheerful tone. Imagine that you are feeding a vampire pickles and honey. He will understand that his games will not work with you.

About men's feelings

It is very difficult sometimes to hide your love. Girls are usually more shy, they blush, turn pale, become confused, and may even stumble when they see their loved one. And the guy you love hides his feelings more skillfully. Why is this happening? How do they do this and why?

It often happens that even after starting a relationship, men begin to behave like insensitive creatures. Day by day, his beloved expects kind words, tender hugs, loving sighs from him... and is already beginning to doubt his reciprocity. But this does not mean at all that he has fallen out of love.

So why does a man hide his feelings?

1. He needs it that way. He simply maintains the status of courageous and confident, because in our society it is customary for only women to be sentimental. In fact, the stronger sex is no less emotional than the weaker sex.
2. Fear of appearing weak. A man thinks that if he shows a woman how much he is in love with her, she will think that he is weak. Or he will quickly lose all interest in him. So they want to seem more indifferent.
3. Manipulation. A man also believes that if he shows the full depth of his feelings, he will immediately become henpecked and the woman will freely manipulate him, limiting his freedom.
4. Addiction. It manifests itself sexually. Men are more dependent on intimacy than women, but they try to hide it so that we don’t realize how much power we have over them.

Now you know how a man hides his feelings. This is done not only by the stronger sex, because every day we are faced with the need to remain silent where we want to say a few “tender” words, hide our aversion to doing difficult work, not show our attitude towards an unpleasant person and simply pretend that we have everything in order. Each of us understands that if all people showed their emotions, the world would long ago be in chaos, showdowns, screams and scandals would be heard everywhere. This is why it is so important to be able to control the situation.

You can not hold back your emotions, get angry, scream, laugh, cry bitterly and be loudly indignant. Do you think anyone likes such sincerity? Only your enemies enjoy watching this performance. Learning to manage emotions!

Sometimes, succumbing to emotions or allowing ourselves to be led by false feelings, we commit actions that we later repent of. At the same time, we make excuses that we have lost control over ourselves, so emotions have prevailed over reason. That is, we did not control our emotions, but they controlled us.

Is it really that bad? Perhaps there is nothing good in the lack of self-control. People who do not know how to control themselves, maintain self-control and subordinate their feelings to their will, as a rule, do not achieve success either in their personal lives or in the professional sphere.

They do not think about tomorrow, and their expenses often far exceed their income.

Incontinent people flare up like a match during any quarrel, unable to stop in time and compromise, which earns them the reputation of a conflict person. At the same time, they also destroy their health: doctors claim that many diseases have a direct connection with such negative emotions as anger, etc. People who value their own peace and nerves prefer to avoid them.

People who are not used to limiting themselves spend too much free time in empty entertainment and useless conversations. If they make promises, they themselves are not sure whether they can fulfill them. It is not surprising that no matter what field they work in, they are rarely professionals in their field. And the reason for it all is lack of self-control.

A developed sense of self-control allows you to maintain a cool head, sober thoughts and understanding in any situation that feelings may turn out to be false and lead to a dead end.

There are also situations when we need to hide our emotions in our own interests. “Sometimes I am a fox, sometimes I am a lion,” said the French commander. “The secret... is to understand when to be one and when to be another!”

People who control themselves deserve respect and enjoy authority. On the other hand, many people think they are callous, heartless, “insensitive blockheads” and...incomprehensible. Much more understandable to us are those who from time to time “go all out,” “break down,” lose control of themselves and commit unpredictable acts! Looking at them, we also seem to ourselves not so weak. Moreover, becoming restrained and strong-willed is not so easy. So we reassure ourselves that the life of people who are guided by reason and not by feelings is joyless, and therefore unhappy.

That this is not the case is evidenced by an experiment conducted by psychologists, as a result of which they came to the conclusion: people who can overcome themselves and resist momentary temptation are more successful and happy than those who are unable to cope with emotions.

The experiment is named after Michel Walter, a psychologist from Stanford University. It is also known as the “marshmallow test” because one of its main “heroes” is an ordinary marshmallow.

The experiment, conducted in the 60s of the last century, involved 653 4-year-old children. They were taken one by one into a room where one marshmallow lay in a plate on the table. Each child was told that he could eat it now, but if he waited 15 minutes, he would get another one, and then he could eat both. Michel Walter would leave the child alone for a few minutes and then return. 70% of children ate one marshmallow before he returned, and only 30 waited for it and received a second one. It is curious that the same percentage was observed during a similar experiment in two other countries where it was conducted.

Michel Walter followed the fate of his students and after 15 years came to the conclusion that those who at one time did not succumb to the temptation to get “everything now”, but were able to control themselves, turned out to be more learnable and successful in their chosen areas of knowledge and interests. Thus, it was concluded that the ability to self-control significantly improves a person’s quality of life.

Isaac Pintosevich, who is called the “success coach,” argues that those who have no control over themselves and their actions must forget about efficiency forever.

How to learn to manage yourself

1. Let's remember the “marshmallow test”

30% of 4-year-old children already knew how. This character trait was inherited from them “by nature,” or this skill was instilled in them by their parents.

Someone said: “Don’t raise your children, they will still be like you. Educate yourself." Indeed, we want to see our children restrained, but we ourselves throw tantrums in front of their eyes. We tell them that they must cultivate willpower, but we ourselves show weakness. We remind them to be punctual and we are late for work every morning.

Therefore, we begin to learn to control ourselves by carefully analyzing our behavior and identifying “weak spots” - where exactly we allow ourselves to “unravel.”

2. Components of control

The aforementioned Yitzhak Pintosevich believes that in order for control to be effective, it must include 3 components:

1. Be honest with yourself and have no illusions about yourself;
2. You should control yourself systematically, and not occasionally;
3. Control should be not only internal (when we control ourselves), but also external. For example, we promised to solve a problem within such and such a period. And, in order not to leave ourselves a loophole for retreat, we announce this among our colleagues. If we do not meet the stated time, we pay them a fine. The danger of losing a decent amount of money will serve as a good incentive not to be distracted by extraneous matters.

3. We write down the main goals facing us on a sheet of paper and put (or hang) it in a visible place

Every day we monitor how far we have managed to move towards their implementation.

4. Putting our financial affairs in order

We keep our loans under control, remember whether we have any debts that urgently need to be repaid, and balance debits with credits. Our emotional state is quite dependent on the state of our finances. Therefore, the less confusion and problems there are in this area, the less reason we will have to “lose our temper.”

5. Observe our reaction to events that evoke strong emotions in us, and analyze whether they are worth our worries

We imagine the worst case scenario and understand that it is not as terrible as the consequences of our inadequate and thoughtless behavior.

6. We do everything the other way around

We are angry with a colleague, and we are tempted to say “a few kind words” to him. Instead, we smile welcomingly and give a compliment. If we were offended that another employee was sent to the conference instead of us, we should not be angry, but would be happy for him and wish him a happy journey.

Since the very morning we have been overcome by laziness, so we turn on the music and get down to some business. In a word, we act contrary to what our emotions tell us.

7. A famous phrase says: we cannot change our circumstances, but we can change our attitude towards them.

We are surrounded by different people, and not all of them are friendly and fair to us. We cannot be upset and indignant every time we encounter someone else's envy, anger, or rudeness. We need to come to terms with what we cannot influence.

8. The best assistant in mastering the science of self-control is meditation.

Just as physical exercise develops the body, meditation trains the mind. Through daily meditation sessions, you can learn to avoid negative emotions and not give in to passions that interfere with a sober view of circumstances and can destroy your life. With the help of meditation, a person immerses himself in a state of calm and achieves harmony with himself.