Why can't a person be himself? About what it means to be yourself
Probably everyone wants to live life with the feeling that this is his life, his choice. With the knowledge that he himself determines his own destiny.
And if this is present, then the person is filled with energy, respect for himself and others, and the desire to constantly improve his life. But very often we feel like a fly caught in a web.
Audio version of the article “How to be yourself”:
We are entangled in some obligations, unnecessary, incomprehensible relationships, in an unknown job. All the time we owe someone and owe something. And we need to have time to do a million unclear things and things. It’s as if we are rushing around in a vicious circle, like in a wheel. We always fall short of something. And we constantly scold ourselves for it.
If we look at the beginning of the formation of this process, we will remember our childhood and our parents, who lived the same way as we do now. At the same time, they kept “pulling” us.
And we, being small children, clearly understood that life is a rapid stream in which, in order to survive, you need to “keep up, comply, strain” all the time, and that this (from the position of a small child) is hardly possible. And this upsets us.
If we could shed the husks of our childhood perception of life, the experience of inconsistency with the adult pace of life, adult tension, then we would be able to see what we really are.
Probably the most effective way to yourself now is to trust your feelings. The correct guideline would be the following:
- If you feel good while doing something, communicating with someone, doing something, then this is what you want. And at this moment your inner “I” manifests itself.
- If your feelings tell you that you have no interest and joy in what you are doing, it means that you are not hearing your “I” now and are doing this for someone (for your boss, husband or wife, parents...). Then in the second case you have a choice - refuse to do it or agree with it.
For example, you do work for someone else and feel bad. You can honestly refuse, say: “I’m not ready to do this for you.” The second option is to find your own interest and benefit for yourself: “I am a good friend”, “I am a good colleague”, “You can always rely on me”, etc.
In both cases you will feel better. Because in the first option you will do what is interesting and important to you, and in the second case you will see your priorities in life.
On the path to oneself, a person overcomes many internal barriers and restrictions that are laid down by parents and society. Most importantly, overcoming these barriers and abandoning some parental attitudes
- "you must be an obedient son"
- "you need to dress modestly"
- “you should have a normal job”
social expectations and requirements (“normal girls get married before the age of 25”, “divorce is a shame”, “by the age of 30 you need to have an apartment, a car, a family”), and noticing how often you strive to meet them or worry when this does not work out treat yourself with respect .
In order to free yourself from internal restrictions, treat yourself with respect (don't scold yourself). And look with interest: “What am I?” Replace your dissatisfaction with surprise and interest.
This interest and self-respect will definitely lead you to the amazing person that you are. To BE YOURSELF, it is important to accept yourself without judging yourself for mistakes or delays. Give yourself enough time and take care of your own interests, which does not exclude respect for the interests of others.
“Being yourself, you unknowingly inspire others to be themselves.”
Mooji.
What is the most important thing for you in this life? It would seem that what could be easier than answering this question? For some it is: money, career, family, children, art, friendship, etc. But there is one small nuance here, without which all of the above may be present in your life, but not bring real pleasure. In order to fully enjoy all this, it is important to be YOURSELF.
The world is becoming more and more like a system where everyone lives and thinks as if according to a given algorithm. So, in order to gain free will, the freedom to do things your own way and have your own point of view, you must, first of all, give up the thought: “if everyone does this, then I should too.” At the same time, giving up your true, individual, putting on a mask and adapting to other people.
We all want to be surrounded by real people, and not in a society of masks. Mindful people are truly comfortable with themselves and have a healthy view of themselves and others. Such people accept themselves and others, without judgment, but with love. They do not worry or worry about what others will think of them, while understanding that everyone has their own right to their own opinion and actions.
Many people live in some kind of endless race for success, money, fame, they strive to buy new things, cars, nice apartments, the latest model phones, etc. And, looking at all this, it begins to seem that this is exactly what we live for.
However, all this is not very consistent with such concepts as individuality and freedom of choice. Leaving their real desires somewhere deep inside themselves, many begin to adapt to these goals imposed from the outside. In addition, society is not very fond of those who are different from the majority, think differently from everyone else and do not live according to generally accepted standards.
We all want to have harmonious relationships with others.. When we try to live up to other people's expectations, we create a huge problem for ourselves. In most cases, expectations will be unjustified.
So what should you do if you realize that you don’t want to live all the time pretending to be someone else, fitting your life and thoughts into templates, putting on various masks? So, one day, you can completely forget Who You Really Are.
People won't tell you frankly what they think you should be or what they want from you. If you never know exactly what kind of relationship you are in with a person, HOW will you know exactly how you should behave with him?
First of all, it is important to learn to listen to yourself, only you and no one else knows what is good for you and what is bad. Most work in jobs they hate, study where they really don’t want to, live with a person they stopped loving a long time ago.
It’s never too late to correct this state of affairs; you just need to determine what you really want or wanted once upon a time.
What do you really like to do and what is stopping you from starting to do it now? Wherever you are, no matter how you live, you can always find something you like, something you love or like.
Be yourself! No matter how naive it may sound. If others can't get you to be what they want you to be, whose problem is it? It's their problem, not yours!
To be youreself in any situation, in fact, relieves the greatest tension. And that way, you never have to worry about being something you're NOT.
I have long come to the conclusion that we always give ourselves the right to repeat the same mistakes or the same unpleasant experience many times before we accumulate the necessary amount of courage, determination and perseverance in order to find ourselves, understand ourselves, open ourselves in yourself and come to your real, true Self. Discover God, Spirit, Creator within yourself.
Having discovered such a state, it no longer matters what others think about you.
This does not mean that the position “I don’t care what others think” arises; no, you simply understand and accept everyone’s right to their own point of view and behavior.
Therefore, accumulate the necessary amount of courage and stop following the rules, becoming a mystery to others. Start living outside the box, use all your imagination to do things differently than you always have. Be unique and extraordinary. Be yourself.
Being yourself is really easy
Learning to be yourself means taking responsibility for your life.
Accept responsibility for everything that happens in life. Clearly understanding and realizing that with our thoughts and actions we literally create and create our life, communication with people, our activities, etc.
There is a wonderful way to communicate with every person. This is a way of impeccable communication - learning to perceive people as a mystery, as a Creator, as a Creator.
This will greatly liberate you in expressing your real Self and will help another person to become themselves, real, true. Your faith in him will help him manifest in himself the unique qualities and properties of God, the Creator, the Creator.
By treating every person you meet in this way, you will see from your own example that these are the people you meet!
Be yourself! Being yourself is contagious! When other people see you enjoying yourself and enjoying life, they will want it too!
Your environment generally greatly influences your personality. It happens that you are not at all interested in a person, but for some invented reasons you continue to communicate with him, or you are in a circle of people whose interests and aspirations do not coincide with yours at all.
In such cases, it is useful to think about whether you will lose anything if these people are no longer in your life. The answer is no, you won’t lose, rather, on the contrary, think about how much you will gain: over time, those who will share your interests will appear, who will accept your point of view without trying to change it, with whom you won’t have to pretend, and who will accept you as you are.
Strive to spend time with those who have something to learn from, who strive for something, and not with people who drag you down, only this way you can fully develop and improve.
To live in harmony with the world around you, you do not have to change yourself and “improve” in order to meet some generally accepted criteria, especially if they cause you doubts, that is when harmony with yourself will come.
Try to force yourself to do something as little as possible, instead ask yourself: for what purpose are you putting up with this and what will change if you stop doing it? Avoid negativity and negative people, complain as little as possible, lead a healthy lifestyle, don’t say “yes” if you want to say “no”, don’t be afraid to express your opinion if it doesn’t correspond to the opinion of the majority, travel, learn new things, do what you love , read as many books on self-improvement and personal growth as possible.
By making such seemingly minor changes in your life, you will begin to change inside and free yourself from old habits, and over time you will stop worrying about what others think about it.
If you are not satisfied with life according to other people’s imposed rules, work on yourself, don’t stop learning, acquiring new skills and abilities, become unique, become indispensable, and then society will adapt to you, and not vice versa. Listen to your inner voice, not to other people's opinions.
Give yourself the right to be who you want to be, do what you want to do. Be with loved ones and loving people. Live in the place your Soul asks.
Remove false and limiting beliefs that you cannot, are not able, are not capable. These are all your programs, fears and views, which you can change if, of course, you have a strong desire.
Give yourself the right to be yourself. Allow yourself to show your true, real self. Learn to love yourself and other people unconditionally. Remember that until we start doing things differently, we will get the same results and stand still.
As always, I look forward to your responses and comments on the article. Was it useful to you?
Share your own views and experiences.
A bit of a philosophical answer, but it will probably be the best advice here. Don't try to be someone else.
Do you think one thing and say another because it benefits someone else? It's not you.
Are you lying for the same reason? It's not you.
It's your life, don't try to please anyone
“Be yourself” is quite possibly the most overused phrase in the history of advice. Be yourself... Such a vague saying... But it’s not difficult at all!
1) Stop lying! I've experienced this the hard way... stop lying to others, stop lying to yourself! You should never embellish reality and present it as such to the people around you. You should always soberly assess the situation (your situation) and know for yourself exactly your true current state. Otherwise, you can get bogged down in all this without a trace.
2) Forget the past! It’s like a stone around your neck, pulling you down and preventing you from completely immersing yourself in the present. If there were any mistakes in the past, any painful situations, just let them go, try to forget. Always remember, it’s like on a road, you move forward and it doesn’t matter what you’ve already gone through, what’s important is what’s happening around you now and what’s ahead. This will greatly help in personality formation and self-determination.
3) Be honest and open! Do you have anything to hide? We are all imperfect, we all learn and grow. If you feel shame or insecurity about any aspect of your personality, and you want to hide that part of yourself, physical or emotional, then you need to come to terms with it and learn to turn your so-called shortcomings into individualistic quirks, or focus on your strengths.
4) This is obvious from the previous paragraph, but still.. Never forget about your strengths. It is the awareness of one’s superiority over others in some areas that prevents a person from lying and helps him not only accept himself as he is, but also present himself to others as such.
5) Never compare yourself to others! Don't compare yourself to others. If you constantly strive to be something you are not, then you will never be happy. When you compare yourself to others, you
you strive to change yourself by adjusting to the chosen standards. However, this is a slippery slope. As a result of this, your opinion of yourself will only worsen more and more, you will become more withdrawn into yourself and therefore will never be able to be real..
6) Try to get rid of everything that fetters you or forces you to change. Don't give a damn about what the people around you think about you, what they say and how they look. Abstract yourself, don’t pay attention, because the main thing is how you feel about yourself! Also, don’t try to please others, but I won’t even explain this, everything is clear.
Surround yourself with people you like, whom you will trust and with whom you will feel at ease. Get rid of all "uncomfortable" people, no matter who they are. Pour yourself some coffee, sit back and sort yourself out. The main thing is to be honest with yourself and everything will be fine! Good luck)
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Well, a VKontakte branch has just opened...
But what happens if you throw away the tinsel and try to answer the question without using fashionable slogans?
What will happen is this: a person really cannot be someone else. Even if he repents that he is not him, he still remains himself.
It's just a game of "this is not me."
But... but there is one big “but”: a person plays several social roles.
At work, I am an employee, and I behave completely differently when communicating with my parents, and both of these roles are very different from the “husband” role that I play when communicating with my wife.
(no, not in the sense that I’m pretending, but in the sense that I have different behavior = different reactions to similar stimuli).
Sometimes I'm a friend, sometimes I'm a bore, sometimes I'm a slob, sometimes I'm someone else, and if you look at it very superficially, it may seem that there are many different things about me. Although in fact it is the same me, I just behave differently in different conditions.
The variety of social roles may somehow lead me to the question “what am I really like,” but this question makes sense if we lose sight of a simple fact: I am multifaceted.
And you are multifaceted.
And absolutely any person who is not in a coma is also multifaceted.
(The one in the coma is also multifaceted, but this is not visible because he is in a coma;)).
If we start from this model, then the question “how can I be myself” is translated into “which of these facets is the real me, which facet should I fixate on?”, and in this interpretation we get a very simple answer: I am the totality of all facets. (and plus a few more facets that I have not yet mastered/displayed/who knows what).
That's why precisely in the context of this issue I sincerely advise you to forget about all this “don’t lie”, “don’t compare” and other nonsense. Lying and comparing are also me, also one of my facets.
Although from the point of view It’s better for me not to lie or compare the quality of my life, but that’s a completely different story.
Well, if we return from the model of edges to ordinary language, then the answer will be this: you are still you, no matter what you do, and this is forever :) Therefore, it is better not to burden yourself with unimportant questions, but to sit down and think about what /how you want to see yourself, say, in 5 years, and consistently move towards this state (discover and develop constructive and/or new facets in yourself).
Hello,
It's summer - in full swing... So let's talk about such a familiar and undeservedly forgotten topic by many. The question is simple: how to be yourself? More precisely, how to remain yourself Always?
Why always? Always means not only some severe stressful situations that immediately come to mind... Although, of course, these too. “Always” means - really always. When we gained something and when we lost it. When we are surrounded by disappointment and when we are bursting with joy. When we naively think that we will live forever and when we silently say goodbye to this life...
Always means really Always. At any time. Constantly. No matter what the feelings are inside now. And what's around.
...But everything is in order.
Put your soul into life
In the East there is a saying: “ It's not what we do that matters, but how we do it" What to do in life is an external assessment. This is the assessment of life by its fruits. What, who achieved there. This is a kind of primitive view of life. That's not what life is about.
Life is how we lived it. With what quality? Did we put our soul into what we did? This is what life is about.
You need to be yourself - mind your own business, and not just earn money, extract some dividends from life. We need to realize what God has given us. Why?
Because we realize this before God. This is where equanimity lies:
« I am not tied to this world, and even death should not turn me off my path. I have been given certain qualities and talents, and I must realize them.».
This . This is what it means to put your soul into your life - to always be yourself.
How to be yourself
An ancient Sanskrit scripture says: “ It is better to perform one's duty in this world poorly than to perform one's duty well, but someone else's" We need to be who we are. And not to tremble.
Do not be guided by envy, greed, false prestige (this is all looking outward, at external fruits: the desire to play some role) - but be yourself.
Regardless of what is on the external plane, always keep this path- the path of the soul in this world. This is the perfection of life.
...And all this is just first the experience of the soul, which we realize in our psyche. But there is a second point, very important.
Realization of one's nature should never be selfish in itself: “I realize myself and enjoy it.” No. Always the realization of one's nature must be associated with service to others. Why?
Because talent in a person is a manifestation of God. And God - the energy of absolute love emanates from him - it is given to everyone, not just to us. Therefore, what is given to us, we must give to others.
…And this second the equanimity that we should have.
So, the first is realizing oneself before God. Second, selfishness should never touch our heart.
How spiritual egoism prevents you from being yourself
There is also selfishness on the spiritual plane. It is associated with influence. You know, such exalted independence. When I, as a soul, am independent of another. When these calm meditations, during which they try to dissolve somewhere in some light... And enjoy, they say, everyone else leave me alone. This is spiritual egoism.
This is not the nature of the soul. The subtle influence of the ego, even on a spiritual level, can manifest itself in this. This is deception on a spiritual level.
Nature of the soul- serve others, give love. Love is an ever-expanding energy. This is current energy. Restless energy.
Note. If a mother loves, she is very active. If a man loves a woman, he is very active. If a woman loves a man, she is very active. The nature of love is activity.
Therefore, in this world we must also preserve this principle. Always serve, always help others, always give what we are given to others. , is also associated with selflessness. In order to help someone.
And if we teach all our lives these two lessons love - try to understand how To be youreself And selflessly serve others- we will spiritualize our lives.
Do you agree?
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Based on the seminar by Oleg Gadetsky “Life Lessons”
Greetings, my dear readers! Today I would like to reveal the secret - how to always be yourself. First, we will figure out how to understand ourselves and come to inner harmony, and then we will look at the factors that prevent us from remaining ourselves in any situation. If you manage to find your path, then all you have to do is follow it.
Find yourself
It can often be extremely difficult to understand what kind of person you really are. We have the expectations of our parents, the judgments of others, the desires of our teachers, and so on. Every person has internal blockers that prevent them from finding their own voice.
My friend wanted to become an actress since childhood, but her mother considered such a profession to be complete nonsense. She saw her daughter as a successful lawyer. Of course, the girl could not go against her mother and now works as a lawyer. Which ultimately led to unrealized internal potential and permanent ones.
Understanding yourself is not as easy as it might seem at first glance. Some people are accustomed to thinking too well of themselves, which does not allow them to give a real assessment.
Therefore, you need to learn to look at things, yourself, your actions and desires with an open mind.
Try to write your own detailed description. You can start with past experience. Describe important events or situations and describe your choices and actions. Try to answer the questions: why did you do this and what would you change now.
- What's going on in your life right now?
- why did you choose this particular job?
- would like to change it,
- where and with whom do you want to live.
- What doesn't suit you now and how you can change it.
This will make it much easier for you to determine what to do in the future and what course of action to choose.
In my article “” you can find many useful and practical tips on how to learn to be in harmony with yourself. Try to analyze your actions more often and more. Over time, this will become a habit and you will understand yourself better. Easily determine where your true desire is and where it’s just someone else’s expectations.
Surroundings
Why can't many people allow themselves to be real in any situation? Because they consider themselves indebted to others. Like, you have to behave a certain way and make certain choices.
Fear of seeming funny, not successful in the eyes of others. A person wants to receive a positive assessment of himself or his actions. And this expectation of praise often does not allow one to be real.
Rarely does anyone think that the opinion of others is their individual judgment and often has no real relation to us. Let's look at an example.
The girl Masha wants to have quiet girls' get-togethers at home. Her friends are urging her to have a noisier party, saying that she needs to invite more people, definitely boys, and she also needs to remember to buy wine. Internally, Masha does not want this, but she cannot refuse her friends, because otherwise they will laugh at her, and maybe they will stop being friends with her altogether.
But her friend Vasya thinks that her friends put too much pressure on her. He always appreciated the quiet and calm nature of Masha. He likes that Masha doesn’t “hang out” like all the other girls, but is engaged in her development, for example. Whose opinion do you think will ultimately have more influence on Masha?
It is very important to learn to hear those people who can appreciate any of our qualities. And only such people should be listened to. Most often, they do not criticize or try to correct you. On the contrary, they are ready to help, offer several options for getting out of a difficult situation, and never laugh at you.
It's impossible around here. Therefore, other people's expectations should remain their expectations, and not become a plan for our actions. You should learn not to be afraid of unjustified hopes. Then you can be yourself in any situation.
Major interference
But besides the expectations and assessments of others, there are several other points that prevent a person from being himself. Let's look at them in more detail.
Shame. When a person is ashamed of himself in front of others, he cannot be real, because he has to hide this part of himself. Learn to speak boldly and openly about such things, then you won’t have to hide anything and be different from who you really are.
Rush. The pace of today's life is incredibly fast. We need to do everything in time, do as much as possible. This only prevents a person from remaining present. In a hurry, you don’t have time to think or really evaluate what is happening. Don't be afraid to take breaks, stop and give yourself a break.
Triggers. There are certain situations or people when we simply cannot be real. So, an employee hesitates in front of the big boss, students slouch at the sight of a professor, and so on. If you understand exactly what circumstances force you to become a different person, it will become much easier for you to cope with this.
Fear. Fear of not being what you want. Each person has a certain idea about himself. This can be called an ideal self-image. Looking at others, we look for qualities that we would like to possess. The hardest thing in this process is to sweep away the unnecessary and leave the useful.
I have a wonderful article that will help you decide what is good about you and what still needs to be worked on: “”. After all, any of your shortcomings can be turned into an advantage.
My favorite “be yourself” tip is to keep a personal journal. There you can be honest, write frankly and not be afraid of anything. This is the only way you can really understand yourself, let go of your fears, find and start moving forward.
There are always circumstances in which we have to restrain ourselves, to be more or less something. This is the norm. But even in such circumstances, you can be yourself. A calmer version or, conversely, a more fun version.
What's stopping you from being yourself? Do you know about your real dreams and desires? In what situation do you experience internal discomfort?
Be honest with yourself. This is what will help you be real.
Good luck to you!
