Introversion is not a disease. How to raise “quiet” children. High emotional intelligence. Here are some telltale signs of an introverted child.

Does your child's behavior confuse you? He behaves differently than you behaved at his age. He is indecisive, hesitant, reserved and uncommunicative. Instead of immersing himself in games, he prefers to stand on the sidelines and watch other children. However, his communication is limited to just a few people. He communicates with you completely unpredictably - sometimes he talks incessantly interesting stories, and sometimes he just goes silent, and you can’t understand what’s going on in his head. He spends a lot of time in his room alone. And his teacher tells you that he needs to be more active in class. But what's even stranger about all this is that he seems to be absolutely happy with the situation. If you recognize your child, congratulations, you are an introvert.

Extroverted parents often worry about their introverted children and even wonder if their behavior is somehow abnormal. Of course, children can experience anxiety and depression just like adults. It's important to know here characteristic features such conditions, their true symptoms. Thus, sometimes refusing to communicate with friends and family along with low level energy and loss of appetite indicate more than just introversion.

However, many introverted children experience neither depression nor anxiety at all. They behave this way due to their innate constitution, a special personality type. The more you accept your introverted child's natural nature, the happier he or she will be.

How to care for an introverted child

1. Know that there is nothing unusual or shameful about being an introvert.

There are many introverts in the world. IN various studies their number varies from 25 to 30 percent. Among them are Frederic Chopin, Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, Arthur Schopenhauer, Steven Spielberg, JK Rowling, Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi and many other outstanding and talented people.

2. Understand that your child's constitution is determined by biology.

In the brains of introverts and the brains of extroverts there are some distinctive features. For example, their neural “wiring” is laid out differently and the movement of neurotransmitters occurs along slightly different trajectories. In addition, in their work, the brains of introverts and the brains of extroverts tend to work in different parts nervous system(introverts prefer the parasympathetic system - “rest and digest (i.e., analyze and synthesize)”, and extroverts prefer the sympathetic system - “fight, flight or freeze”). Additionally, research has found that introverts have more gray matter in their prefrontal cortex (the area of ​​the brain responsible for abstract thinking and decision making). So if your child is more cautious and reserved than his extroverted peers, rest assured that there is a biological basis for this behavior.

3. Introduce your child to new people and environments gradually

Introverts often feel anxious and worried that they may not be able to cope both in new environments and with new people. If you are planning to attend a social event, don't expect your child to immediately get involved and interact with the children there. If possible, arrive early so that he gets comfortable and also feels how other people are entering the space that they are gradually “owning.”

Another option is to ask your child to refrain from actively participating in events and move away to a comfortable distance - perhaps stand next to you, where he feels safe, and just watch the events for a few minutes. Calm observation will help him understand what is happening and adapt a little.

If it is not possible to arrive in advance or observe the process from the side, just discuss it with your child the day before upcoming event, talking about who will be present and what is likely to happen, how he might feel, and what he might say to start a conversation with someone who interests him.

Regardless of what new experiences you introduce your child to, remember: move slowly but steadily. Don't let him shy away from new experiences, but respect his limits, even if they seem extreme. Together with your child, carefully and delicately learn and master what he is so worried about.

4. Remind your child to take breaks if he feels overwhelmed or tired.

It should be remembered that during communication, extroverts feel inspiration and emotional uplift, but introverts, as a rule, are drained by it. If your child is older, he can independently go to a quiet part of the room or outside, thereby protecting himself from waste last bit of strength. If the child is still small, he may not notice the onset of fatigue, so you yourself will have to monitor the emerging signs of his fatigue.

5. Praise your child when he shows social courage.

Let your child know that you admire what he did. Say something like, “Yesterday I saw you talking to the new boy in your class. I know how hard it was for you, but I’m proud of what you did.”

6. Notice the moments when your child begins to like something that he was initially afraid of.

Say, "You thought you were going to have a terrible time at your classmate's birthday party, but ended up meeting new friends." Over time, thanks to this positive reinforcement, the child will most likely be able to independently regulate the feelings of excitement and fear that arise.

7. Help your child develop their hobbies

Your child may have deep and perhaps even unique interests. Give him the opportunity to put them into practice. Soccer and music work well for some kids, but don't forget to also offer your child outside-the-box activities like a writing studio or junior science camp. Active participation in their work brings happiness, well-being, emotional balance and confidence, and also provides the child with opportunities to interact with other children who have the same favorite hobbies (and perhaps a similar constitution).

8. Talk to your teacher about your child's introversion.

This will help teachers interpret his behavior correctly. Some educators mistakenly believe that introverted children do not often speak up in class because they are not interested or do not pay enough attention to the lessons. In contrast, introverted students can be quite attentive and focused, but often prefer to listen and observe rather than actively participate. In addition, if the teacher knows about your child’s introversion, he will be able to gently help him interact with classmates, participate in group work or just generally being in class.

9. Teach your child to stand up for himself

child younger age Teach to clearly and expressively say “stop” or “no” when another child tries to take a toy away from him. If your child is older and experiencing bullying or unfair treatment at school, encourage him or her to speak up clearly to the bully or, if necessary, to an adult. First, he needs to explain how important the characteristics of his voice are: tone, volume, intonation, etc. Sometimes even more important than words.

10. Make every effort to make your child feel heard.

Listen to your child and ask questions that will help engage him in conversation. Many introverts—children and adults alike—struggle to be “heard.” After all, introverts live an inner life and they need someone to call them to openness (“lure” them out of their fortress). Without parents who listen and echo what they are thinking, these children can become lost in their own thoughts.

11. Remember: Your child may not seek help.

Introverts, as a rule, absorb problems (transform them into their internal “acquisition”, giving them a subjective character). Your child may not tell you about difficult situation in school or in a conflict with a friend, although he wishes to do so and/or could benefit from adult guidance. So ask questions and listen sincerely, without asking for anything or turning the conversation into an interrogation.

12. Don't call your child "shy"

"Shy" is a word that has a negative connotation. If your introverted child hears the word “shy” quite often, he may believe that his discomfort with people is a permanent (“lifelong”) personality trait, rather than a feeling he can learn to manage. Moreover, the word "shy" reflects the inhibition and suppression that the child experiences and does not help him understand the real reason of his internal state - constitutional introversion. In addition, what often looks like shyness, in the case of an introverted child, may not be shyness and often is not.

13. Don’t worry about your child having only a few close friends.

Introverts look for depth, not width, in relationships. They prefer a small circle of friends and, as a rule, they are not interested in being the center of attention from their peers.

14. Don't take it personally or get upset if your child wants to spend time alone.

Anything that pulls a child out of his inner world, such as going to school, socializing, or even getting used to a new schedule, exhausts him. If he spends time alone in his room, perhaps reading a book, playing on the computer, or simply reflecting on the events of his day, don't be offended or imply that he doesn't like being with his family. Most likely, once he is recharged, he will want to spend time with family and friends again.

15. Enjoy your child's constitution

Don't just accept your child for who he is; appreciate and cherish who he is. Introverted children are often kind, thoughtful, focused and, when their environment is pleasant and trusting, can be very interesting conversationalists.

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If your child is silent, dreamy, touchy, does not like crowded companies and most prefers to be alone, don’t call him a beech, don’t try to stir him up and force him to be more sociable. In this case, it is highly likely that you are raising an introvert who needs a certain approach.

How to tell if a child is an introvert

In psychology, it is customary to divide people into extroverts (sociable, inclined to charge their internal batteries from external sources) and introverts (closed, restoring strength at the expense of their own resources). This classification according to personality types was introduced by psychologists Carl Gustav Jung and Hans Jurgen Eysenck.

So, introverts. They show their characteristics in early childhood. Watch your child. A child is an introvert if:

· Focused on his inner world, withdraws into himself and is able to silently think about something for hours, dream about something

· Does not like to be in society, avoids large companies, does not make many friends

Prefers to be alone, locks himself in his own room, builds pillow walls or builds small cozy houses from books and boxes to hide in them later

· Vulnerable, touchy, sentimental, sensitive to the mood of others and general atmosphere in the house

· Passive, does not like to be constantly on the move, avoids noisy active games

· Frequently displays self-doubt in his abilities

Does not share experiences, does not discuss what happened, does not show emotions

· Prone to creative activity: draws, sculpts, makes crafts

It is generally accepted that since introverts are closed and unsociable, they do not need communication. This is wrong. Every person is a social element. It is contact with other people that allows us to gain information about the world around us, adopt other people’s experiences and share our own. It is especially important for a child to feel like a part of society, because his learning process is initial stage. Often, a child’s behavior model is formed in the process of communication with peers or with adults: parents, educators, teachers.

Introverted children need contact with others just as much as extroverts. The only question is how intense and long-lasting this communication will be.

It is important to realize that an introvert's long stay in social group leads to the fact that his internal resources are depleted. The child feels discomfort, withdraws even more into himself, seeks solitude, pulls his head into his shoulders and avoids engaging in dialogue in every possible way. As already mentioned, introverts recharge their de-energized batteries using internal resources. This means that the child needs to be left alone for a while, given the opportunity to put his thoughts and feelings in order. For some, it is enough to sleep to restore energy resources, for others it is enough to read, solve a puzzle, take a walk alone, or just sit in silence with your eyes closed.

If an introverted child does not make contact, frowns, refuses to talk, then the best thing adults can do is to leave their son or daughter alone for a while. You can appease a little silent person with praise. Introverts are very responsive to support and approval from others. Start a conversation with kind words addressed to the child, a smile will immediately shine on his face.

Some parents worry that their withdrawn baby doesn't like to be hugged, patted on the head, or held by the hand. Anxious adults believe that in this way the child shows his indifference to loved ones. Actually this is not true. Introverts certainly need physical contact. But, as with communication, sometimes they need a break. If a child withdraws, it means he is experiencing some discomfort and wants to distance himself from others. Don't worry, he'll definitely hug you later when he's ready.

Introverts generally tend to isolate themselves from people. They conquer a personal corner in space and really want no one to suddenly invade their world. That’s why some children hang a sign on the door of their room that says “Do not enter!” and are also very offended when someone takes their favorite chair in the living room.

“So many conventions! What if, by observing them, we indulge our whims,” parents will doubt. Indeed, the line between whim and need, determined by the characteristics of a personality type, is very thin. Patient, observant and wise parents can solve it.

1. Give your introverted child time alone during the day.

He is active social life V kindergarten or at school, so at home do not pester your offspring with questions if he is “all in himself” and does not want to communicate. An introvert needs at least an hour to be alone with his thoughts, analyze the events of the day in the evening or draw up an action plan in the morning. Do not suggest that your child do something useful: read, sweep the hallway, or study for a math test. He will do all this, but only after enjoying his solitude.

2. Don’t rush your child, give him time to make a decision

Typically, introverted children are slower than extroverted children. They are more reasonable and prefer to measure several times and only then cut. The more you rush your child, the more likely he is to make a mistake or, worse, lose interest in the task at hand.

3. Do not violate the boundaries of the child’s personal space

Your offspring must certainly have a place in which he is comfortable, safe, and cozy. There he can retire, indulge in reflection, create, read, play or do homework. Create a small children's office on a heated loggia or “build” a mini-house in the nursery or living room, designed for one resident.

It is very important that the child should know that adults will under no circumstances invade his personal space, will not begin to put things in order and throw away unnecessary things.

4. Focus on individual lessons

Introverts often find it difficult to concentrate, remember information, or solve a problem when surrounded by large quantity of people. Therefore, group classes are not always effective. Hire a tutor for your child or tutor him yourself.

5. Take breaks

They are very important in any activity of an introvert, be it play, study or home routine. During breaks, he restores his vitality, gains strength, and organizes the information received.

A child with an introvert personality type is distinguished by a calm character, passivity, and unsociability. Such children have a hard time communicating with their peers, because they are very shy and will definitely not take the first step towards getting to know each other. On the other hand, introverted children are very dreamy, they grow creative people, love to draw, read, and make crafts. They are immersed in their inner world.

Signs that your child is an introvert

Your child is an introvert if:

• Noisy companies are not for him; he quickly gets tired of society and prefers loneliness.
• He is not looking for many friends, most likely he has one or two friends and that is enough for him.
• His shyness interferes with communication with new acquaintances; he may not meet the person first, even if he really wants to.
• He likes games in which you need to think and reflect.
• Most likely he has Creative skills activities that do not require company (music, drawing, writing)
• He doesn't like it when someone tries to enter his territory, he respects his and others' personal space and does not let people near him without reason.
• He fantasizes a lot, likes to daydream and look at clouds.

Don’t forget that most often you won’t find a pure introvert or extrovert, but rather your child mixed type personality, but one of the qualities prevails over the other.

The best and worst sides of an introvert

The parents of an introvert are lucky in that they have the chance to raise a genius. More often outstanding artists, poets, scientists, musicians are introverts. Since extroverts do not always have enough perseverance. But there are often ambiverts, children who equally have the qualities of both personality types. They also have a fairly high chance of achieving success in creative activities if they know how to organize themselves.

However, the most collected will be children with a predominance of introvert characteristics: they are collected, have inner strength, they think through everything down to the smallest detail. In order for successful results not to be long in coming, you need to identify them in time. weak sides child and help him cope with them.

Due to his personality type, a child may dislike communication as much as possible and become a withdrawn person. They are afraid public speaking and express your opinion. It’s hard for them in the new team and they are afraid to strive upward. This could very well hinder him in the future and the first signs should be identified while in kindergarten/school. During this period, socialization occurs in the child, the very first, but the easiest, since small children are most often open to new friends. Let the teacher observe his behavior, and if he detects a sign of your child’s unsociability, help him and tell him how to behave.

How to raise a little introvert?

• An introverted child should have his own corner where he can enjoy solitude. This space must not be violated under any circumstances.
• You cannot try to change a child, force him to communicate, or bring him to friends by force. In this way you suppress his personality and can cause psychological trauma.
• Since childhood, introverts have expressed a love for interesting hobbies. Find out what he likes, help him discover his talent. Let him do something in which he will feel comfortable and be open to communication.
• Arouse your child's interest in books and poetry. Introverts love to fantasize; science fiction books and fairy tales suit them well. This helps them develop.
• If you want to help your child find friends, then it is best to send him to clubs in his favorite activity. There it will be easier for him to get comfortable and find friends.
• If your child is enthusiastically busy with something, do not distract him with trifles (wash the dishes, make the bed, drink a glass of water), he will do it later, but in this moment He is easily frustrated as he likes to delve deeper into the task in front of him.
• An introvert is a vulnerable person, and shouting certainly won’t solve the problem. Try to find an individual approach. Speak calmly, choose the right words.
• Praise your child more often (for a reason, of course), they will be pleased, and they will try harder.

Your introverted child can make you very happy and become the pride of the family; the main thing is to remember how fragile his world is. And under no circumstances should you crush his dreams and fantasies. Support him in everything calmly and carefully and your baby will become truly happy.

Have you noticed more than once that family holidays, visits or New Year's parties often end sadly for your child: when he was little, he threw tantrums when he was tired of noise and communication, and now he can suddenly become rude, withdrawn and move away from guests - or ask to go home. This is exactly how introverted children behave when they don’t have time to be alone. Understand with the help of a test whether your child is an extrovert or an introvert, find out the rules for dealing with an introvert - and the upcoming holidays will not be ruined.

The school bus stopped at the corner, letting the children off. I opened the door and waited for my two offspring to fly in. Josh - older and faster - appeared on the threshold first. Leaving the door open behind him, he threw his school backpack on the floor and shouted to me: “And today I learned what genetics is!” - and disappeared into the living room, where his favorite show started on TV.

Christina appeared after him. She rummaged through her school bag for a long time, finally pulled out some papers from there and joyfully waved them at me. “I climbed onto the roof today!” - She announced solemnly, following me into the kitchen.

“Today was opening day at our school,” Christina continued to chatter. “I first signed up for the theater workshop, but then I changed my mind, and the three of us with my girlfriends went to classes with Doug, our technician. We went up to the roof and saw the boiler room is a huge boiler that Doug has to check every day, and on Saturdays and Sundays too, and even if he's sick, otherwise the whole school could explode - yay!"

Without taking a breath, she thrust her papers under my nose. “Here, we have a bunch of math problems here, and I also need to read my book out loud to you. Listen, Mom, I want to read you a book right now. And I also want to go play with Kellen. I’ll tell Kellen that I’ll come to to visit her, okay? Mom, what can I have for a snack?”

Within 15 minutes, I knew everything that had happened at her school that day, including what mood their teacher was in today, what she and her friends were talking about, and what her plans were for tomorrow.

I left Christina for a moment to see how Josh was doing.

So what did you learn about genetics?

For now, a little,” he muttered, without looking up from the screen.

Will you tell me about it now or later?

“Later, Mom,” he answered, allowing himself to be kissed on the cheek, and returned his attention to the TV show. That's all. Not another word about what happened that day. My children are so different. With different personalities and ways to restore energy at the end of a busy day.

Christina is an extrovert. She doesn't just talk. She absorbs my energy. The daughter prefers to interact with the world around her, talking with people, sharing with them her impressions, thoughts and emotions. If I don't have time to talk to her, she becomes moody and demanding because her battery runs out. If I allow the girl to recharge from me, she becomes active and happy again.

Joshua is an introvert. He is not at all reserved or shy. He simply prefers to interact with the world within himself, to carefully consider his thoughts and experiences before sharing them with people in the “outside” world. He regains his strength by spending time alone. If he has the opportunity to be alone, he plays normally with other children and is nice to me. If he doesn't get that time-out, he becomes sullen and irritable.

The concepts of introversion and extroversion were first described more than 70 years ago by the famous Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung. Jung proposed that human behavior can be classified according to two dominant psychological functions.

Today, in addition to psychological theory We have a scientific tool called magnetic resonance imaging, which allows us to see the differences between introverts and extroverts at a physiological level. Long-term studies show that introversion or extroversion are the most stable psychological characteristics a person throughout his life.

It is important for parents to know what type their child is because introverts and extroverts renew their energy differently.

Introverts regain their energy when they can be alone and quiet. Before sharing a problem with other people, they prefer to think about it carefully.

Knowing what type of personality your child is will allow you to understand how he or she recharges and teach your son or daughter how to recharge before their battery runs out.

Little introverts get tired quickly family holidays. When grandparents come to visit, they are ready to play with them for a while, after which they try to push them out the door. On their own birthday, they can “disappear” into their room, leaving school friends to celebrate without the hero of the occasion.

After a whole day at school with him high levels activity and stimulation can make them feel drained. They need a break, a chance to be alone and quiet to restore their energy. Introverted children thrive in their own company and may play alone, ignoring their siblings.

Introverts can be quite outgoing, but interacting with people, especially strangers, seriously drains their energy reserves. After intense communication, they want only one thing - to come home and be alone with themselves. People around them should understand this need and leave them alone.

You are lucky if your child is ready to tell you about important events by the evening or the next day. Some take days or even weeks to mature. You will have to ask questions to get your child to talk and get information out of him. He will discreetly share his worries and problems - and even then not all of them. You must listen carefully - or you will learn nothing.

An extrovert is a person who...

Little extroverts spend their entire infancy in the arms of their parents, because they want to see everything and “communicate” with everyone. They are constantly babbling something. Returning from school, such children will tell you in 15 minutes everything that happened during the day, as well as their plans for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. They need to immediately share their ideas and experiences with you, although they themselves have barely had time to “digest” them. They follow you around the house, demand your attention and are recharged with energy from you. They seem to be able to chat endlessly. Fortunately for you, they have many friends with whom they are always ready to chat and play.

As soon as little extroverts with difficult character wake up, they're ready for active actions and conversations and easily turn mother and father into “squeezed lemons.” And because they take up all of their parents' time and energy, their siblings may feel unloved and abandoned.

Is your child an extrovert or an introvert? Test

To find out, just watch your child carefully and listen to him. Review the statements below and mark those with which you agree. Which ones are there more?

Your child may have separate extrovert and introvert traits, but you need to determine which pole he or she leans towards.

If your child is an extrovert, then he:

• Loves to be around people. Communication energizes him rather than drains him, so he loves noisy, crowded companies.
• He strives to tell you as quickly as possible about everything that happened to him during the day.
• Likes to think out loud. For example, while looking for his briefcase, he may walk around the house and say: “I wonder where my briefcase is? I need to remember where I put my briefcase.”
• He talks more than he listens.
• Often interrupts the interlocutor.
• He hates being sent to his room to “sit and think.”
• Doesn't understand why you would want to be alone, and always joins you so that you "don't get bored."
• Tells you openly what he thinks and feels.
• Really needs approval. Constantly asking you if he did this or that correctly, which can sometimes be perceived as a lack of self-confidence.

If your child is an introvert, then he:

• Prefers to watch or listen before acting.
• Likes to do things alone or with one or two close friends or family members.
• When you spend a long time in the company of unfamiliar people or in a noisy, crowded environment, you become lethargic and irritable.
• Never talks about the events of the day immediately. To “ripen” it needs several hours, or even days.
• Respectful of personal space. Doesn't like it when people sit too close to him or come into his room. Often stands a little away from the group.
• Feels comfortable when he is alone in his room.
• Does not immediately answer questions asked.
• Dissatisfied when guests arrive.
• Talkative with family members and close friends, but usually silent in unfamiliar company.

If you are unsure of your answers, set this task aside and watch your child carefully over the next few weeks. Remember how he behaved in the past: can you identify any typical behavior patterns?

As you evaluate your son or daughter in terms of the above statements, you may find that your child is a strong extrovert or introvert, or shows only a slight tendency towards one type or another. This is fine. Each of us is capable of behaving as an extrovert or an introvert, we just consciously or unconsciously prefer one behavior over another.

Very often shy and shy people are mistakenly called introverts. closed people experiencing communication problems. However, the terms extraversion and introversion describe psychological types personality and have nothing to do with social skills. They explain how we get energy to recharge.

Both introverts and extroverts can have excellent communication skills and enjoy interacting with people. The only difference between them is that an introvert periodically gets tired of communication and indulges in quiet, solitary activities with the same pleasure, while an extrovert only becomes charged with energy and strives for even more active actions.

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

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Comment on the article "Why does a child get tired at school or at a party? He's just an introvert"

Why does a child get tired at school or at a party? He's just an introvert. Extrovert and introvert according to Jung. Ever since Jung famously divided people into two types, researchers and theorists have insisted that there are more than two personality types.

Kindergartens. Child from 3 to 7. Upbringing, nutrition, daily routine, visiting kindergarten and relationships with teachers, illness and Doesn’t want to run, doesn’t want to play, doesn’t want to talk, doesn’t want to visit either. He’s just an introvert, he gets tired of continuous communication.

Discussion

Pick up after lunch. The child was simply not ready for kindergarten. Start taking them to other developmental activities. You are at home, so you can handle the situation quite well. Our child stays like this until lunchtime and rarely stays until the evening. As a result, we get terrible hysterics and psychosis. We wait until it grows, we don’t pedal. We go to development classes. But it is important for the child to go home afterwards, and not to a group where there are a lot of people. Tired of communication.

Why do you think that the child is depressed? The description sounds more like fatigue. Try NOT to disturb your child after kindergarten. We met, hugged and calmly drove home WITHOUT talking, WITHOUT long walks.
I will also join the advice to take it BEFORE bedtime. Walk with the younger one, take the older one home, put both of them to bed for at least 1.5-2 hours. After a quiet hour, only quiet games, a walk before bed, a bath.
I don’t recommend abruptly taking you out of kindergarten right now. Then it will be a problem to start walking again.

Section: -- gatherings (Human personality traits, communication with introverts). Fashion for introverts. This morning on the radio As it used to be common to say that a person is a night owl, so he cannot get up early, now that a person is an introvert, so approach...

Discussion

My observation is twofold. It’s fashionable that every weekend guests, children in 5 clubs and the mothers of these children are friends, everyone is just leaders, constant posts on Instagram. This Instagram of 10-20 posts a day is generally not typical for introverts. Yes, I am a natural introvert, even in kindergarten I preferred to play with myself. People around us consider us strange, unsociable. And it’s even funnier when an obvious extrovert tries to pass himself off as an introvert and then what you’re talking about comes into play.