If your child is an introvert: What to do? Strengths and weaknesses of an introverted child. The best and worst sides of an introvert

Many of us have heard that all people are divided into two main types of psychology - extroverts and introverts. Someone is a shining example one type, some another, and some have signs of both in their character. Many people think that this is unnecessary information, that a common language with a person can be found without going into such details, without plunging into such complexities, and such a point of view has a right to exist. Moreover, we (parents) already have many years of living behind us, have experience communicating with different people and everyone has examples of how we found a common language even without studying the psychological type of the interlocutor. But are our children just our next interlocutors? Don't we want to find a common language with him easily and simply? Do we have the opportunity and time for trial and error? Maybe it’s worth thinking about the fact that psychological type is important and it’s important to determine it correctly? Perhaps we, without knowing this, without thinking about it, are putting too much pressure on our treasure?

Determining the psychological type of a child

To be honest, you don’t need to do anything complicated to correctly determine the type.

An introvert is often calm, even though his emotions may be much stronger than those of an extrovert. He’s just in no hurry, and he doesn’t like to show them. An introvert does not throw things around, does not try to surround himself with events, too frequent and global changes do not attract him. An introvert can play with one toy for hours, quietly muttering something under his breath, and he will never be bored at home. If you notice that large and noisy companies have little attraction for your child, then you can consider him an introvert. By the way, he values ​​his friends very much and does not like to change them. Such children very rarely play pranks, which makes parents happy. Introverts understand everything immediately, instantly. If such a kid takes on some work, he may seem too slow, but this is not so. It’s just that an introvert can’t handle a hundred things at once. An introvert values ​​\u200b\u200bhis health very much and monitors it.

These are the main signs of two radically different psychological types. Knowing them, you will be able to communicate with your child as effectively as possible, and the process of raising him will be painless for him and for you. You will simply avoid many mistakes and misunderstandings, you will not knock, literally bang your head against the wall, knowing that you can simply bypass it. In general, does this wall exist? Maybe we're just saying the wrong things?

Let's imagine a situation where you didn't like what your son and/or your daughter did today. If the child is an introvert, then it is enough to simply tell him about your feelings, about what you experienced. Believe me, he understands feelings very well. Try it and you can say with almost absolute certainty that he will understand you. No, this does not mean that the introvert will improve immediately. You just “get through” to him, he will clearly hear you, without hysterics, without nerves, scandals and threats of terrible punishments.

This trick will not work with an extrovert. It is best for him to paint everything in the brightest possible colors, paying special attention to how terrible he looked in the eyes of others. It would not be superfluous to add that you are very sorry that you could not be proud of him at this moment. Believe me, this approach will bring more benefit than long lectures, reading morals and even your hysterics.

In the end, I would like to say that even the correct determination of the psychological type of your child at a given, specific moment does not guarantee an immediate finding common language with him. Children are dynamic, they are constantly growing, constantly developing and constantly changing. We often have to act by feel, but the goal is worth any effort, because these are our children! Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Just try to do it less often, and when you make a mistake, ask your daughter or son for forgiveness.

You will find more materials on psychology and communication with children in the “” section of our Tummi Parents Club.

Extrovert or introvert: how to determine the type of child? was last modified: January 20th, 2015 by Koskin

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It is quite difficult to establish mutual understanding between children and parents. Despite the love for each other, due to big difference At an age, children do not always understand what their parents want from them, and parents, in turn, perceive many of their children’s actions as a whim and do not try to understand their mental turmoil. But if the older and younger generations are at least similar in character, then you can still somehow find contact. It is much worse and more difficult in cases where children and parents are radically opposite. For example, in families where the mother is a typical extrovert and the son is a real introvert, understanding rarely reigns, because mother and child see the world and approach situations completely differently. But they still love each other, which means they must try to find common ground, because otherwise such people will gradually simply move away from each other and their connection will disappear.

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Photo gallery: Mother is an extrovert, son is an introvert: how to find an approach?

Look at the situation

In order to understand how to communicate with her child, a mother, first of all, needs to look at the world through his eyes. She is an open and sociable person. In case of any problems and experiences, an extroverted woman always shares them with loved ones. She generally talks a lot. An introverted guy is a silent and secretive individual who tries never to splash out his emotions on others. Many people generally think that introverts have virtually no such emotions. In fact, such a judgment is fundamentally wrong. Introverts are great at feeling. They simply experience all the emotions within themselves, both positive and negative. Introverts may seem too reserved and unsociable to others, but in fact, such people simply do not need constant communication and they feel uncomfortable in large companies. If you are the mother of an introvert, then, first of all, you need to learn to look at the situation through the eyes of your son. When something happens to him, he tries to solve everything himself. And this is not because he is hiding something from you or because he trusts his wife in you. It’s just that such people are used to dealing with their affairs on their own. It becomes easier for extroverts when they tell their friends and family about everything. But this behavior does not help introverts at all. It’s better for them to retire, sit somewhere in peace and quiet, think about everything, and come to their senses.

An introvert and an extrovert see every situation in radically different ways. An extrovert immediately tries to solve something, tells others, seeks advice. He can cry, laugh, even become hysterical if the situation is very unusual. An introvert will not do all this. He will silently look, evaluate, retire and think. And, if he doesn’t think of anything, then he won’t raise the topic anymore, because what’s the point if the conversations still don’t lead to finding the right solution. Therefore, when you see that your child is closed to himself and does not want to say anything, you do not need to be angry with him, take offense, or say that he is wrong. Remember that introverts choose this particular form to perceive situations. If something has happened to a guy in his life, he has withdrawn into himself, does not want to communicate with other people, under no circumstances should you tell your child that he is a fool and no one can stand it at all. This is very painful for him, because with the help of this behavior he is just trying to survive his loss or some kind of problem. He doesn’t want to tell anyone anything, but listen to constant questions about why he has this Bad mood the guy has absolutely no desire. It is better for him to sit silently in his room and play games than to try to fit into a society that this moment is the main irritant for him. That is why the mother must understand why her son behaves this way and support him. Otherwise, she will cause him a lot of pain.

If the guy knows that his mother is always on his side and shares his choice and decision, from time to time he will tell you something, share with you. Of course, this will be completely different from what happens between two extroverts, but believe me, for an introvert, such behavior is already a manifestation of great trust and love. And you, when your son starts telling something, you need to remember that you need to look at the situation through the boy’s eyes and not judge him for his ways of accepting and solving situations. They are not bad or wrong, they just look like the exact opposite of yours. But there is nothing scary or terrible about this. Of course, introverts are less likely to rely on the experience of others, but in this case, sometimes they are even lucky, since they are less susceptible to other people’s influence. But be that as it may, you must always accept your son’s behavior, otherwise he will stop trusting you, will become convinced that you do not understand him at all and will withdraw even more. And when this happens, then you are unlikely to be able to reach him.

Watch your son

Observation can be very helpful in communicating with introverts. In fact, such a person can clearly see when he is in a good mood and when he is in a bad mood, when he needs to say something, since he is inclined to dialogue, and when he should remain silent. If close people do not constantly try to adjust introverts to their form of communication, but simply look at their reactions and behavior in different situations, then over time they begin to understand such people. Moreover, you are a mother, and your heart always tells you how best to act. But character gives its own, so very often it is difficult for you to hear the voice of your heart and you madly want to do as you want to be done to you. But this cannot be done. And you will definitely notice how your son’s mood changes and worsens, how he withdraws even more if you use the wrong approach. But for this you need to constantly look closely at such a person. Yes, it is indeed very difficult for extroverts to understand introverts, from which both sides suffer. But if the extrovert stops thinking subjectively and opens his mind and heart to understand a completely opposite character and worldview, then gradually contact is established and mutual understanding comes.

Don't blame

You should never blame a person, much less your child, for being like this. Always remember that his type of behavior is not bad or abnormal, he is just not like you. But if a guy doesn’t show his feelings all the time, this doesn’t mean at all that he doesn’t love you. He loves his mother, he just wants her to love and accept him for who he is. And if you yell at a child and are angry because he does not show his feelings and emotions the way you would like, then with such behavior you are simply breaking his psyche. Over time, he really begins to consider himself different from everyone else, incorrect, flawed. Moreover, in a world where there are more extroverts, it is easy for such people to become convinced that something is wrong with them. Therefore, under no circumstances allow the guy to really believe this, otherwise it will hurt both him and you. So, every time you want to yell at your son in your hearts, remember that you are breaking his character and taking away his faith in himself.

Let's consider the second personality type - introvert. How to raise such a baby, we will determine the strengths and weak sides introverts.Very helpful information for parents!

Introverted child, signs

An introverted child has a calm temperament, thoughtfulness, and is not too eager to communicate. He often prefers observing the world around him to active games. This is due to the fact that his mental processes are aimed at his own inner world, feelings and emotions.

It’s not at all difficult to determine that you have a little introvert growing up; you can do this by looking at characteristic signs.

Your child is an introvert if:

• He quickly gets tired of noisy companies, after visiting places with large crowds of people, he needs time to recuperate and wants to be alone
• He doesn't have too many friends; a couple of close friends completely satisfies his need for communication.
• He is shy and finds it difficult to start a conversation with a stranger
• He prefers games that require concentration and deep involvement - puzzles, construction sets, intellectual games
• He loves making crafts, draws a lot, writes poetry, and is seriously interested in music.
• He values ​​his personal space very much and does not like it when someone invades him.
• He loves to dream and has a well-developed imagination

When determining a child’s personality type, we must not forget that, most often, we meet people with mixed type personality, and pure introverts are quite rare. It is most likely that your child combines the qualities of both an introvert and an extrovert, so it is enough to identify which qualities predominate.

Strengths and weaknesses of an introverted child

If you have determined that your child has predominantly introverted qualities, congratulations, you have every chance of raising a genius. Majority outstanding artists, poets, scientists, architects and musicians were introverts. If you educate little genius was not part of your plans, the following professions would be perfect for such a child: programmer, designer, writer, accountant, analyst, engineer and many others.

Introverts achieve great success thanks to his concentration, scrupulousness, inner strength and the habit of carefully thinking through each of your actions.

In order for an introverted child to achieve high results and grow up as a harmonious personality, parents need to identify the weak points of the little introvert’s character and help them cope with emerging difficulties.

Depending on the degree of introversion, the child may experience discomfort when communicating with unfamiliar people or even avoid them. Such children are often afraid public speaking, they are embarrassed to express their point of view in the presence of a large number of people, they have difficulty adapting to a new team.

All this can be very disturbing for an introverted child, this is especially evident in kindergarten and school, when the child begins to experience difficulties in communicating. Who else but loving parents, should tell the child “what to do in this situation and how to learn to communicate?”

Raising introverts

• Give your son or daughter his own space where he can be alone, think and dream. Ideally, this is their own room, if this is not possible, you can fence off part of the room, the main thing is that the child is comfortable and feels safe
• Under no circumstances try to change the child, do not force him to communicate and be highly active. Such actions can lead to serious psychological harm
• Help your child find a hobby, perhaps he will like origami, modeling, drawing, maybe he will want to write poetry or play the cello. Whatever it is, help your child open up and develop his talent
• Get your child interested in reading, such children usually love to read, reading helps them immerse themselves in the world of dreams and fantasies, which is so close to dreamy introverts. In addition, reading, in the best possible way, develops intelligence, memory, enriches speech and perfectly erudite the little reader.
• Help your child find friends if there are none. There is no need to surround him with a large number of peers; two or three close friends will be quite enough. Children's interest groups will help you find friends, playgrounds, on which the child feels comfortable. You can also find friends among the children of your friends and relatives
• For a little introvert, it is important to be able to concentrate on the task at hand and go deeper into it. Therefore, when a child is busy with something, for example, doing homework, try not to irritate him over trifles - any question about the progress of work will irritate the introvert and create an additional level of stress
• Remember that introverted children are very vulnerable individuals who require a special approach. They should not be shouted at and, under no circumstances, should be humiliated. If you want to make a complaint to your child, you need to do it carefully and calmly
• Try not to plan too many things for your child in one day, a large number of impressions are real stress for an introvert, distribute the load evenly on all days of the week
• Introverts often have low self-esteem - praise your son or daughter more often, do not skimp on compliments and show your love in every possible way

An introverted child is a little creative person with a vulnerable soul and a wonderful inner world. Help him to discover creative potential, and he will grow up to be a real pride for mom and dad.

Have you noticed more than once that family holidays, visits or New Year's parties often end sadly for your child: when he was little, he threw tantrums when he was tired of noise and communication, and now he can suddenly become rude, withdrawn and move away from guests - or ask to go home. This is exactly how introverted children behave when they don’t have time to be alone. Understand with the help of a test whether your child is an extrovert or an introvert, find out the rules for dealing with an introvert - and the upcoming holidays will not be ruined.

The school bus stopped at the corner, letting the children off. I opened the door and waited for my two offspring to fly in. Josh - older and faster - appeared on the threshold first. Leaving the door open behind him, he threw his school backpack on the floor and shouted to me: “And today I learned what genetics is!” - and disappeared into the living room, where his favorite show started on TV.

Christina appeared after him. She rummaged through her school bag for a long time, finally pulled out some papers from there and joyfully waved them at me. “I climbed onto the roof today!” - She announced solemnly, following me into the kitchen.

“Today was opening day at our school,” Christina continued to chatter. “I first signed up for the theater workshop, but then I changed my mind, and the three of us with my girlfriends went to classes with Doug, our technician. We went up to the roof and saw the boiler room is a huge boiler that Doug has to check every day, and on Saturdays and Sundays too, and even if he's sick, otherwise the whole school could explode - yay!"

Without taking a breath, she thrust her papers under my nose. “Here, we have a bunch of math problems here, and I also need to read my book out loud to you. Listen, Mom, I want to read you a book right now. And I also want to go play with Kellen. I’ll tell Kellen that I’ll come to to visit her, okay? Mom, what can I have for a snack?”

Within 15 minutes, I knew everything that had happened at her school that day, including what mood their teacher was in today, what she and her friends were talking about, and what her plans were for tomorrow.

I left Christina for a moment to see how Josh was doing.

So what did you learn about genetics?

For now, a little,” he muttered, without looking up from the screen.

Will you tell me about it now or later?

“Later, Mom,” he answered, allowing himself to be kissed on the cheek, and returned his attention to the TV show. That's all. Not another word about what happened that day. My children are so different. With different personalities and ways to restore energy at the end of a busy day.

Christina is an extrovert. She doesn't just talk. She absorbs my energy. The daughter prefers to interact with the world around her, talking with people, sharing with them her impressions, thoughts and emotions. If I don't have time to talk to her, she becomes moody and demanding because her battery runs out. If I allow the girl to recharge from me, she becomes active and happy again.

Joshua is an introvert. He is not at all reserved or shy. He simply prefers to interact with the world within himself, to carefully consider his thoughts and experiences before sharing them with people in the “outside” world. He regains his strength by spending time alone. If he has the opportunity to be alone, he plays normally with other children and is nice to me. If he doesn't get that time-out, he becomes sullen and irritable.

The concepts of introversion and extroversion were first described more than 70 years ago by the famous Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung. Jung proposed that human behavior can be classified according to two dominant psychological functions.

Today, in addition to psychological theory We have a scientific tool called magnetic resonance imaging, which allows us to see the differences between introverts and extroverts at a physiological level. Long-term studies show that introversion or extroversion are the most stable psychological characteristics a person throughout his life.

It is important for parents to know what type their child is because introverts and extroverts renew their energy differently.

Introverts regain their energy when they can be alone and quiet. Before sharing a problem with other people, they prefer to think about it carefully.

Knowing what type of personality your child is will allow you to understand how he or she recharges and teach your son or daughter how to recharge before their battery runs out.

Little introverts get tired quickly family holidays. When grandparents come to visit, they are ready to play with them for a while, after which they try to push them out the door. On their own birthday, they can “disappear” into their room, leaving school friends to celebrate without the hero of the occasion.

After a whole day at school with him high levels activity and stimulation can make them feel drained. They need a break, a chance to be alone and quiet to restore their energy. Introverted children thrive in their own company and may play alone, ignoring their siblings.

Introverts can be quite outgoing, but interacting with people, especially strangers, seriously drains their energy reserves. After intense communication, they want only one thing - to come home and be alone with themselves. People around them should understand this need and leave them alone.

You are lucky if your child is ready to tell you about important events by the evening or the next day. Some take days or even weeks to mature. You will have to ask questions to get your child to talk and get information out of him. He will discreetly share his worries and problems - and even then not all of them. You must listen carefully - or you will learn nothing.

An extrovert is a person who...

Little extroverts spend their entire infancy in the arms of their parents, because they want to see everything and “communicate” with everyone. They are constantly babbling something. Returning from school, such children will tell you in 15 minutes everything that happened during the day, as well as their plans for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. They need to immediately share their ideas and experiences with you, although they themselves have barely had time to “digest” them. They follow you around the house, demand your attention and are recharged with energy from you. They seem to be able to chat endlessly. Fortunately for you, they have many friends with whom they are always ready to chat and play.

As soon as little extroverts with difficult character wake up, they're ready for active actions and conversations and easily turn mother and father into “squeezed lemons.” And because they take up all of their parents' time and energy, their siblings may feel unloved and abandoned.

Is your child an extrovert or an introvert? Test

To find out, just watch your child carefully and listen to him. Review the statements below and mark those with which you agree. Which ones are there more?

Your child may have separate extrovert and introvert traits, but you need to determine which pole he or she leans towards.

If your child is an extrovert, then he:

• Loves to be around people. Communication energizes him rather than drains him, so he loves noisy, crowded companies.
• He strives to tell you as quickly as possible about everything that happened to him during the day.
• Likes to think out loud. For example, while looking for his briefcase, he may walk around the house and say: “I wonder where my briefcase is? I need to remember where I put my briefcase.”
• He talks more than he listens.
• Often interrupts the interlocutor.
• He hates being sent to his room to “sit and think.”
• Doesn't understand why you would want to be alone, and always joins you so that you "don't get bored."
• Tells you openly what he thinks and feels.
• Really needs approval. Constantly asking you if he did this or that correctly, which can sometimes be perceived as a lack of self-confidence.

If your child is an introvert, then he:

• Prefers to watch or listen before acting.
• Likes to do things alone or with one or two close friends or family members.
• When you spend a long time in the company of unfamiliar people or in a noisy, crowded environment, you become lethargic and irritable.
• Never talks about the events of the day immediately. To “ripen” it needs several hours, or even days.
• Respectful of personal space. Doesn't like it when people sit too close to him or come into his room. Often stands a little away from the group.
• Feels comfortable when he is alone in his room.
• Does not immediately answer questions asked.
• Dissatisfied when guests arrive.
• Talkative with family members and close friends, but usually silent in unfamiliar company.

If you are unsure of your answers, set this task aside and watch your child carefully over the next few weeks. Remember how he behaved in the past: can you identify any typical behavior patterns?

As you evaluate your son or daughter in terms of the above statements, you may find that your child is a strong extrovert or introvert, or shows only a slight tendency towards one type or another. This is fine. Each of us is capable of behaving as an extrovert or an introvert, we just consciously or unconsciously prefer one behavior over another.

Very often shy and shy people are mistakenly called introverts. closed people experiencing communication problems. However, the terms extraversion and introversion describe psychological types personality and have nothing to do with social skills. They explain how we get energy to recharge.

Both introverts and extroverts can have excellent communication skills and enjoy interacting with people. The only difference between them is that an introvert periodically gets tired of communication and indulges in quiet, solitary activities with the same pleasure, while an extrovert only becomes charged with energy and strives for even more active actions.

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

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Comment on the article "Why does a child get tired at school or at a party? He's just an introvert"

Why does a child get tired at school or at a party? He's just an introvert. Extrovert and introvert according to Jung. Ever since Jung famously divided people into two types, researchers and theorists have insisted that there are more than two personality types.

Kindergartens. Child from 3 to 7. Education, nutrition, daily routine, visits kindergarten and relationships with teachers, illness and He doesn’t want to run, doesn’t want to play, doesn’t want to talk, doesn’t want to visit either. He’s just an introvert, he gets tired of continuous communication.

Discussion

Pick up after lunch. The child was simply not ready for kindergarten. Start taking them to other developmental activities. You are at home, so you can handle the situation quite well. Our child stays like this until lunchtime and rarely stays until the evening. As a result, we get terrible hysterics and psychosis. We wait until it grows, we don’t pedal. We go to development classes. But it is important for the child to go home afterwards, and not to a group where there are a lot of people. Tired of communication.

Why do you think that the child is depressed? The description sounds more like fatigue. Try NOT to disturb your child after kindergarten. We met, hugged and calmly drove home WITHOUT talking, WITHOUT long walks.
I will also join the advice to take it BEFORE bedtime. Walk with the younger one, take the older one home, put both of them to bed for at least 1.5-2 hours. After a quiet hour, only quiet games, a walk before bed, a bath.
I don’t recommend abruptly taking you out of kindergarten right now. Then it will be a problem to start walking again.

Section: -- gatherings (Human personality traits, communication with introverts). Fashion for introverts. This morning on the radio As it used to be common to say that a person is a night owl, so he cannot get up early, now that a person is an introvert, so approach...

Discussion

My observation is twofold. It’s fashionable that every weekend guests, children in 5 clubs and the mothers of these children are friends, everyone is just leaders, constant posts on Instagram. This Instagram of 10-20 posts a day is generally not typical for introverts. Yes, I am a natural introvert, even in kindergarten I preferred to play with myself. People around us consider us strange, unsociable. And it’s even funnier when an obvious extrovert tries to pass himself off as an introvert and then what you’re talking about comes into play.