Simple rules of etiquette that everyone needs to know

Should you be polite at home?

Anyone who believes that upon returning home it is possible to outerwear leaving your politeness in the corridor will never become a well-mannered person.

Rules of behavior when communicating with other people should be observed always and everywhere, and above all at home. Any family is a small group of close people. And in order to create a good atmosphere in any team, each of its members must remember about the others, take into account their habits and weaknesses, show attention to each other, and try to make everyone feel good together. Great importance In the life of families, they have mutual attention and care, which is manifested even in small things.

If you learn to live in harmony and harmony with your loved ones, you will acquire skills to behave in any society.

Remember the basic rules of home etiquette:

Remember that the basis of every family is respect for elders.

If you need to stay late at school, on a walk, or visiting a friend, be sure to warn your parents about this so as not to worry them.

Keep your things clean and organized. Try to ensure that each thing has its own place.

Be sure to take on some household responsibilities and complete them without unnecessary reminders.

Respect the work of those who care about you. Express sincere gratitude to your loved ones more often.

“Ethics is the science of the relations existing between men and of their duties arising from these relations.”
Paul Henri Halbach
Etiquette is a certain set of rules and norms of behavior in society. It would seem that in our time, when society is tolerant of any quirks, etiquette is losing its relevance. But don't rush to conclusions! Just because you have an expensive car and fashionable clothes does not mean that you can forget about the rules of behavior. Society does not forgive mistakes, and in certain circles people are greeted precisely “on the basis of their minds.” Therefore, in order for your child to be successful, it is necessary to instill good parenting from an early age.
Modern industry presents a wide selection of tools for teaching etiquette. For example, books with educational poems, books with situations, educational games, etc. However, etiquette is not a subject that should be learned from books. It is best if you show good manners personal example, unobtrusively correcting and directing the child’s behavior.
Studying the parenting code can begin when the child reaches the age of two, understands you well, has basic skills and can speak. Year after year it is necessary to continue training, offering the child new information, appropriate for age.
Here I would like to especially note - if time is lost, and in the younger preschool age Certain skills are not instilled, then retraining a schoolchild, for example, will be quite difficult. That is why you need to start as early as possible. So let's get started.
Table culture.
Let's leave the study for a while different types glasses, cutlery and table settings. You can return to this at an older age, but for kids you need to know the following rules:
Before eating you need to wash your hands;
You should eat carefully and slowly, without throwing food around;
“When I eat, I am deaf and dumb,” you cannot talk with your mouth full;
You should not eat from someone else’s plate or use someone else’s cutlery;
You can’t swing on a chair, scream, play around, or make faces. The dinner table is not a place for antics;
After eating, you need to wash your face or wipe your lips with a napkin and thank the adults for the meal.
Ethics of everyday communication.
Be sure to say hello not only to your family, but also to other “adults you know.” Doctor from the clinic, teacher from kindergarten, housemates, janitor and other people - we say “hello” to everyone. When parting, it would not be a bad idea to say goodbye and say “goodbye”;
Do not interfere in the conversation of adults, do not interrupt. This does not mean that the child, if necessary, should sit in a corner and hopelessly wait for you to finish. Come up with some kind of sign that will be clear to you and the baby. For example, if a child URGENTLY needs something, he may come up and take your hand;
Conduct yourself in in public places according to their status. For example, in church you should speak in a whisper and move slowly, in the library you should not make noise, at the airport and train stations it is better to refrain from shouting loudly and running around. In the park, on the contrary, you can scream and run merrily;
IN public transport Be sure to give up your seat to older people. Not because it is “necessary”, but because it is very difficult for older people to stand in moving, and, as a rule, stuffy transport;
Adults should be addressed as “you”. You can address your peers on a first name basis. At the age of senior school age The child must understand that “poking” can only be done by familiar people. TO strangers, even if they are the same age, and elders should be addressed as “you”. In this case, “you” is not only a respectful address, but also setting boundaries;
Remember about " magic words"-please, thank you, excuse me, I beg your pardon, thank you.
Ethics of behavior at a party.
Each home may have its own rules, and they must be followed. For example, do not make noise, do not run, behave calmly;
You cannot take other people's things without permission. This Golden Rule valid not only at home, but also in any other place;
You cannot “ask” for tea and other treats. It will be difficult to explain to a child the reasons for this rule, so you need to take it as an axiom. Later, when the child grows up, he will understand that this is simply not decent;
Before leaving, be sure to express gratitude for the hospitality and apologize if there were any awkward situations and say goodbye.
This simple set of basic rules will help instill in a child a sense of ethics and teach him to live in the world of adults. It is always pleasant to deal with a well-mannered person, while an ill-mannered person is unlikely to achieve recognition in society. Let's make an effort and raise our children to be intelligent people!

Once the philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau was asked what qualities a girl needs to create a normal and happy family. Rousseau replied:

“Beauty - 0, thriftiness - 0, education - 0, intelligence - 0, position in society - 0, cash- 0, kindness - 1.”

And he immediately deciphered his mathematical calculations as follows: kindness of the heart - a positive quality - he set a unit. All other qualities, designated 0, are placed next to one, correspondingly increasing it tenfold with each new one. positive quality. Kindness and intelligence will give 10, if you add money to them, then it will be 100, etc. According to Rousseau, any of the qualities in itself means nothing, and only kindness carries value.

If you think about it, it's hard to argue with this. An unkind person cannot enjoy respect in the family or in society. Human kindness is the fundamental basis of relationships between people, the main component of etiquette well-mannered person.

They say that if you want to be treated well, then you yourself must treat people the way you want to be treated. A simple thought in itself, but very accurate. You can only demand from another what you are able to give him and give yourself. This simple truth should never be forgotten anywhere or ever. Unfortunately, she is forgotten. Especially at home, in relationships with close relatives, family relationships.

Family is the seven “I”. What does it mean?

Many people believe that at work you need to behave in accordance with the rules of etiquette, but at home you can relax a little, allow yourself with your loved ones what you would never allow with strangers. In short, at work my darling is a tyrant and a monster in the family.

Very often they do this out of their own lack of understanding: why, they say, should they be shy at home, should they demonstrate respect, courtesy, and courtesy in front of their loved ones. Such a position, taken even involuntarily, due to insufficient upbringing, ultimately turns family life to hell and sooner or later leads to the collapse of the family.

Family is seven “I”, not just husband, wife and child. And you must treat its members, in any case, no worse than you treat yourself. Today in Russia approximately every second woman gets divorced. married couple. Various reasons are put forward - alcohol, adultery. And almost never, as a reason, they put forward the lack of upbringing of their spouse, the inability to behave at home and in society. But in vain.

In our opinion, no less people get divorced for these reasons than because of adultery and drinking.

How to learn to control yourself?

There is an opinion that your family will understand and forgive you. And production failures therefore often end in rudeness at home and the habit of taking out anger on loved ones. This is a deep misconception. A rude word spoken by a loved one hurts more, not less. Another thing is that they try to treat the rudeness of a loved one with understanding, to somehow justify it. But this cannot go on indefinitely. Sooner or later, non-compliance with the rules good manners it becomes unbearable in the family, family life begins to crack. That is why it is important to understand that observing etiquette at home is no less mandatory than among friends or strangers.

Remember that by observing the rules of good manners at home, a person only benefits; he gradually acquires good habits, forming a highly educated personality.

In essence, home etiquette requires observing the same rules as in relationships with strangers - at the table, while walking, in conversation, when choosing clothes. Thus, it is unacceptable to leave the bedroom unkempt and unkemptly dressed. However, even during the most intimate relationships You shouldn’t forget about good manners.

How to build relationships with parents?

In relationships with parents, it is important to remember: how you treat them now is how, years later, your children will treat you, because they see and remember everything. Although, of course, preference is given to parents in all situations, regardless of whether you have children or not. At the celebration for festive table They are given the most honorable place; in the car, father and mother sit in the back. Although there may be an exception here, when a father who is not yet old gives up his seat in the back to his married daughter.

What should a family conversation be like?

We have already said that a conversation in a raised voice between spouses is unacceptable. Nothing good comes out of this, as a rule. Any conversation should be conducted with maximum goodwill, using appropriate intonation. The simple phrase “turn on the TV” without “please” sounds like an order and can offend, starting a quarrel. And if you add “darling” to these words, putting kindness and tenderness into it, then rest assured, you will receive a grateful smile in return.

What to do if a quarrel could not be avoided?

A man (as well as a woman) evaluates the home environment primarily from the point of view of what kind of atmosphere reigns in the family: harmony and peace or endless conflicts and quarrels. Finding out relationships is more tiring than the hardest physical work. Therefore, before starting a quarrel, decide for yourself how expedient it is, although expedient quarrels do not exist. When starting a showdown, think about the consequences. Surely they are not worth aggravating the conflict that has arisen.

In this case, one of the two must give in. They rightly say: the one who is wiser concedes. As a rule, the husband is the first to “give up”, giving in to the onslaught of his wife. But here it is important to remember: the step towards reconciliation must be accompanied by gentle and kind words like “I’m sorry, my dear, I was absolutely wrong.”

Such a request for forgiveness does not humiliate a man, but elevates him, because he does not show weakness, but wisdom and generosity.

This is important to remember, especially when you consider that most unhappy marriages are based on trifles, petty quarrels and resentments. By giving in on little things, you preserve the main thing - peace in the family.

If you want to be happy, be it. What does it take to be happy?

Very often, quarrels arise on the initiative of a woman who is trying to re-educate and remake her husband in her own image. This should not be done, especially in the presence of strangers. Your husband is an adult with his own habits, and you need to perceive him as he is, with his merits and demerits, emphasizing the former in every possible way and being condescending towards the latter.

Dale Carnegie once wisely said: “If you want to maintain a happy family life, do not criticize your partner. It’s always easier to criticize than to notice and highlight traits in a person that are worthy of praise.”

Deviation from this simple but wise rule is fraught with serious complications in family life.

The same Carnegie, a recognized expert in the field of human relations, in his book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living,” cites the following fact:

“Mrs. Carnegie and I once dined with a friend of ours in Chicago. While cutting the meat, he did something wrong. I didn't notice this. And if I had noticed, I would not have attached any importance.

But his wife saw and attacked him in front of us. “John,” she shouted, “you don’t see what you’re doing! When will you learn how to behave at the table!” Then she told us, "He always makes mistakes. He doesn't try to improve." He may not have tried to cut the meat correctly, but I am amazed at his patience - how he could live with her for twenty years. Frankly speaking, I would rather eat sausages and mustard than eat Peking duck and shark fins and listen to the grumbling of such a wife.” It's hard to add anything to this. If you want to be happy, be it. But at the same time, we must not forget that family happiness equally depends on both spouses - their ability to yield, level of education, endurance, tact.

Tears of sorrow will not help. How true is this?

A quarrel that has gone far often ends in women’s tears, reproaches, and screaming. Although really, tears won’t help my grief.

If the conflict has gone too far, it should be resolved at the negotiating table, trying, if possible, as required by etiquette, to understand the other side. And almost certainly all problems will be resolved as not worth serious attention. After all, “life is too short to waste it on trifles,” said the great Disraeli.

And the sensational story that happened to Rudyard Kipling convinces us that it is trifles that very often become the cause of mortal grievances.

He and his brother-in-law became involved in a legal battle that became so famous that a book was written about it, “The Feud that Rudyard Kipling Had to Experience in Vermont.”

The essence of the matter is this. Having married a Vermont girl, Caroline Balestier, Kipling built a house nearby, where he and his wife began to live. Best friend The writer at that time was his brother-in-law - his wife's brother - Beatty. Beatty Balestier sells Kipling a plot of land on the condition that he will cut hay there. Having discovered that great writer decided to set up a garden in the meadow, his lesser-known brother-in-law flew into an indescribable rage and, waiting for an opportune moment, knocked the writer off his bicycle with a horse-drawn cart.

Kipling demanded the immediate arrest of the offender. A scandalous trial, who truly received world fame. Kipling and his wife left their home forever. Now let's remember why it all started - because of some haystack.

It only remains to add that one of the participants in the irreconcilable hostility was Rudyard Kipling, who wrote the following lines: “If you can, do not lose your head when everyone around you is losing their heads and blaming you for it.”

Yes, indeed, “life is too short to waste it on trifles.” But what seems easier is to show prudence and listen to common sense. The conflict would be over.

How to deal with the bad habits of one of the spouses?

You have already understood that this cannot be done through a quarrel or remark among strangers. Remember: you are trying to re-educate an adult with established concepts of what can and cannot be done. He sincerely believes that he is doing everything right, as he was taught in childhood.

Therefore, you need to fight bad habits with special tact, carefully choosing the time and place for this. Constantly teasing a spouse, making comments in an irritated voice, and even more so ridiculing someone who has made a mistake is unacceptable.

Something like this is either not forgiven at all, or is forgiven with great difficulty, because even the most tactful remark is also a blow to the partner’s pride.

At the same time, it is useless to try to suppress irritation, not to pay attention to certain manifestations of bad taste. The negative attitude from this will only accumulate until it overflows the cup of patience, putting the family itself on the brink of collapse.

What to do?

Try to do this: make a list of your partner’s bad habits that annoy you and which you consider unacceptable for a well-mannered person, and ask him to make exactly the same list for himself.

Thus, without humiliating him, you will offer both of you to engage in self-education and self-improvement. We are sure that the result will be positive - who doesn’t want to become better in their own eyes and the eyes of others. After this, by the way, a tactful remark will be perceived completely differently.

Such a step, in addition, will contribute to the strengthening of the family itself - in your life together an additional goal appeared, noble and lofty.

You can do it differently. Having heard, for example, incorrectly spoken word, choose the right moment and pronounce it correctly. Do this not deliberately, in the context of a conversation. The spouse bites his nails - offer him scissors, justifying this by the fact that with their help he will cut them more evenly.

In each specific situation, you can find specific ways to combat bad habits. It is important to do this with tact. Otherwise, your own etiquette is lame, there are significant gaps in your upbringing.

How should you behave with relatives and friends?

We have already mentioned in passing the importance of observing etiquette in choosing clothes and when speaking. Moreover, this applies equally to both the street and the home. Negligence here is simply unacceptable; it indicates a lack of upbringing or education.

Naturally, no one wants to be considered ill-mannered, and even more so no one wants to be subjected to ridicule, simply a disapproving glance.

The ability to behave with loved ones in a narrow manner family circle- a kind of measure of a well-bred person. After all, it is absolutely clear that if a man or woman follows the rules of good manners at home, they are almost insured against mistakes when surrounded by strangers. This is understandable: they look after themselves, their behavior. To this we can add that a well-mannered, gallant person enjoys much greater respect among his family and is a source of pride for his loved ones.

What are the behavioral characteristics if there are two housewives in the house - the newlywed and the mother-in-law or mother-in-law?

This situation occurs quite often.

It is not always the case that newlyweds immediately after the wedding get the opportunity to live in their own separate apartment. Living together with the parents of a husband or wife often gives rise to many conflicts, quarrels and minor grievances.

In most cases, they are caused by women. This can be explained very simply: there are two housewives under one roof. Mother and daughter or mother-in-law and daughter-in-law - often it doesn’t matter. In any case, the old housewife does not want to give up her dominant role in the house, but the new one also has her own view on the structure of life, she wants to change something, redo it, improve it.

In fact, the apartment from an isolated one becomes a communal one, where two families live and where both housewives have equal rights, with the only difference being that close people live under the same roof.

This, however, does not reduce the number of conflicts, but increases. Mother or mother-in-law loved one They consider it necessary to give the young housewife advice where an outsider would not notice the mistake.

As a rule, the situation is not saved even by the fact that the young wife is studying (working) or the mother-in-law (mother) is sick. There is always time for criticism or dissatisfaction. Moreover, this is done with the best intentions, out of a desire to suggest, advise on how to do it better and more correctly.

By doing this, the elderly woman wants to feel useful to the young, wants to help them at first in creating a friendly and strong family. And every rejected advice is a reason for resentment and quarrel.

Life convinces us: all misunderstandings cannot be avoided, but reducing the number of conflicts is not only possible, but also necessary. First of all, in accordance with the norms of etiquette, a young couple should in every possible way emphasize their respect for their mother-in-law (mother-in-law), showing concern for her. Any advice, even if you are not going to follow it, is received with gratitude. If there is a threat of conflict, it is up to the young to extinguish it in the bud. Such behavior does not humiliate - it elevates a person as a person.

A lot, of course, in living together with a young couple depends on (the mother-in-law).

It must reduce interference in the lives of young people to a minimum.

We must remember that it is not the right time this advice causes a backlash.

Restrain yourself, do not show your dissatisfaction for any reason.

Don't ask your son-in-law or daughter-in-law to call yourself mom. It is quite acceptable (and even more acceptable - there is still only one mother) to be addressed by first name and patronymic. Etiquette allows this.

Do not discuss the actions of your son-in-law in the presence of your daughter and daughter-in-law in the presence of your son. By doing so, you not only show tactlessness, but also turn them against you. It is better to make a critical remark tactfully and without witnesses. Better yet, remain silent.

Don’t use yourself and your youth as an example. It won't do any good.

Do not give unsolicited advice, much less instructions. Phrases like “your room is dirty” or “you need to wash your dishes right away” are interference in someone else’s life. Young people may be close to you, but they have their own family and their own life.

Remember more often your own youth, how you lived under the same roof with your mother or mother-in-law, how many insults you had to endure. This will help you avoid their mistakes, and peace and tranquility will reign in the house.

What should be the etiquette in relations with other relatives?

The reader may find this section superfluous. “What it says has not been observed for a long time,” he will say. Perhaps he will be wrong. After all, observing is one thing, but knowing is quite another. We assure you: a moment will definitely arise in life when this knowledge will be useful to you.

So, when walking, an uncle can walk arm in arm with his niece, a nephew with an aunt, but in no case with cousin. In the presence of his wife, the husband shakes hands with his mother, mother-in-law or elderly relative, but not with his sister, daughter-in-law or sister-in-law, if she is not married. They shake hands with the wife only if there is no other man nearby.

When they go to the table, the man shakes his hand to the guest or the hostess of the house if he himself is visiting. It is polite to accompany another invited lady to the table. If there is another man visiting, then he will accompany your wife to the table.

Some people may not like these rules, but they contain deep meaning. By receiving guests or being a guest, you belong to society. And the rules of good manners do not allow a husband to give preference to his wife in the presence of other ladies. For this he has many other possibilities.

You can only demand from others what you are able to give them and give yourself. Unfortunately, very often this simple truth is forgotten, especially at home, in relationships with close relatives.

The ability to behave in a narrow family circle is an indicator of a person’s good manners. There is no doubt that a family member who observes the rules of good manners at home is almost immune from all sorts of missteps when surrounded by strangers, since he is accustomed to taking care of himself and his behavior. It is worth adding to this that a well-mannered and gallant person enjoys the love and respect of loved ones.

Some people believe that you can afford things at home that you would never be able to afford in society; that at work it is necessary to follow all the rules of etiquette, but at home it is not necessary to show respect, courtesy, and courtesy towards loved ones. Such a position, taken out of ignorance or due to insufficient upbringing, ultimately turns family life into hell and sooner or later leads to the collapse of the family.

Due to inability to behave at home and in society, no less divorces occur than due to infidelity or drunkenness.

It is very important to understand that observing etiquette among family members is no less important and mandatory than among friends and strangers.

Often, service and production failures result in rude treatment of loved ones, which over time turns into the habit of taking out accumulated evil on them.

A harsh word uttered in the heat of anger will hurt your loved ones. And here it is necessary to note the deep delusion of those who hope for endless understanding and forgiveness on their part. For the time being, relatives will try to treat the rudeness of their loved one with understanding, they will try to somehow justify it. But over time, failure to observe basic etiquette in dealing with family members becomes intolerable, and discord sets in in the family.

In general, the rules of good manners in relationships with loved ones require compliance with the same rules as in relationships with strangers.
Previously raising children good manners and behavior were studied in cadet corps and institutes for noble maidens. Now these functions have almost completely (if you don’t have governesses) been transferred to the parents.
What basic rules of etiquette must be observed in a family with children?

“You need to behave in such a way as not to create inconvenience for others, and treat them the way you would like to be treated” – a familiar phrase? Yes, this is exactly how both adults and children need to behave, not only with strangers, but also with family members.
No need to try to find out family relationships publicly, especially in the presence of children and in a raised voice. And it is best not to bring the situation to a clarification of these very relationships.
Don't enter your children's room without knocking. A child is also a person. You need to respect his right to personal space and the opportunity to be alone. Naturally, this does not apply to very young children, who should never be left alone.
Do not rummage through your child's personal belongings without his consent. Some parents consider it quite normal to check their child’s briefcase and look into his pockets. Everything seems to be loving, for the purpose of prevention, but there can only be one result. The child will lose trust in you and begin to hide something from you.
Don't read letters that aren't addressed to you. Even if you know for sure that there is nothing personal in the letter, do not open it. Don't rummage in e-mail children unless they ask you to do so.
Teach your children table manners. Shared dinners or Sunday lunches with family are a great opportunity to instill such skills. Teach to use cutlery, not to talk with your mouth full, and not to wave your arms. There is a whole set of rules for behavior at the table, read them - there is plenty of literature on this topic. The ability of children to behave correctly at the table is a big plus. Parents will be confident that in any society and in any situation they will not have to blush for them. Moreover, in big cities, family lunches in cafes, or simply visiting them with children while walking, are becoming more and more popular.
Instill respect for the work of others, teach them to appreciate the daily work of their family.
The child must be able to listen and hear. It would seem that what is so difficult here? But watch how some children behave: they endlessly interrupt when adults are talking to someone, they demand attention to themselves. This applies, first of all, to children. If they are overwhelmed with emotions, they hear and perceive only themselves, considering themselves the center of the universe.
It is not permissible to leave the bedroom sloppily dressed and with disheveled hair. And even the period of the most intimate relationships does not justify the lack of manners, politeness and courtesy.
Don't criticize children in front of strangers. This greatly hurts their pride, especially teenagers.
If a child goes somewhere alone, he must say where he is going and what time he will return.
Teach your child to store things on his shelf and in his room.
Teach your child that everyone has their own household responsibilities that correspond to their capabilities.
Learn to negotiate with each other in difficult situations.
Make a rule not to remain silent long time even after the conflict.
Avoid physical punishment of the child.