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This was many centuries ago. A huge round ship was flying to another galaxy in order to study it. It was like a magnet that attracted another civilization to itself. The technology of that time was not as developed as it is now. Therefore, the ship had to fly for a long time to the galaxy where the Earth is located. But suddenly, somewhere in the middle of the journey (just after the starship communicated with its planet, where it was said that the flight was going normally), in a constantly switched on...

New Apocalypse.

Emptiness.

Have you ever listened to silence? Yes, exactly, silence! How can you listen to silence, you say. After all, silence is the absence of any sounds. This is when there is nothing to listen to.

And where are you at modern city Have you generally encountered silence? The noise of the flow of cars on the street, the mumble of footsteps hurrying from left and right... The click of women's heels, apparently on the slenderest legs in this city, and the shuffling steps of an old man who is no longer in a hurry...

The night before the sunset had been blood red, and so Colonel John Divoll had a miserable night. The atmosphere of the planet Markin is not conducive to red sunsets, but occasionally, if the light of the blue sun was scattered better than usual, they still happened.

And the inhabitants of the planet consider a red sunset a harbinger of trouble. Colonel Divoll headed the scientific, educational and military representation of the Earth on Markin and, himself more of a man of science than a military man, was inclined to agree with the Markinians that the red sunset...

The Carmichaels had always been a fairly well-fed family: all four of them could do with losing a few pounds. And then in one of the Mile of Miracles stores, owned by a company selling robots, they just had a sale: a forty percent discount on the 2061 model with a unit for tracking the number of calories consumed.

Sam Carmichael immediately liked the idea that food would be prepared and served by a robot, keeping its solenoid eyes, so to speak, on the volume...

On the forward viewing screen of the Earth starship Peckable, the twin planets Feysolt and Fafnir appeared - the uninhabited Feysolt, a purple disk the size of a quarter-credit coin, straight ahead, and Fafnir, inhabited by the Gnorfs, a bright red dot on the right side, above the bend of the powerful wing of the starship -ta.

The nameless little blue star around which both planets orbited stood high above them, exactly thirty-six degrees above the plane of the ecliptic. And the royal splendor of Antares...

Today you destroyed fifty thousand eaters in sector A, and now you cannot sleep. At dawn, Herndon and you flew east, the green-golden sun rising behind you, and scattered nerve-killing pellets over nearly a thousand acres along the Forked River.

Then we landed on the prairie beyond the river, where the eaters had already been exterminated, lay down on the soft grass, in the territory where the first settlement would be, and had a snack. Herndon picked a few intoxicating flowers, and you dozed for half an hour. A...

Here is the treasure, and here is its keeper. But here are the white bones of those who tried in vain to appropriate this treasure. But even the bones scattered at the gate of the vault under the bright vault of heaven seem beautiful, because the treasure imparts beauty to everything around: both the scattered bones and the gloomy keeper.

The treasure was located on a small planet near the dark red star Valzar. The planet itself is slightly larger than the Moon; there is no need to talk about the atmosphere. A silent, dead world spinning in the darkness a billion miles away...

It happened suddenly when Grand Duke Moscow, and also Ryazan, Kaluga and so on and so forth - Vladimir Irreplaceable, from the Utin family, in his Kremlin office, in between working on documents, savored a cup of excellent Chinese tea.

Prince Vladimir was elderly, almost bald, of small stature with an athletic figure and a youthful face. This time, Prince Vladimir asked his secretary Dima to prepare tea from the collectible pu-erh cake that was given to him...

The history lesson in sixth "b" was the last. Inna Ivanovna took the children to the hall, from where they had to move as a class ninety million years ago to the Mesozoic era, at a time when dinosaurs walked the planet like ordinary animals.

In the transfer hall, the students were instructed and seated under a protective transparent hood, under which not even a midge from the past could penetrate. But the boys had long known how to get out from under the hood. To avoid falling under the force field, you just had to cover yourself with your briefcase like an umbrella and jump out. This is exactly what one of the students, Petka Sentsov, was going to do.

Petka was a poor student, if not worse, but he was a very proud person and loved to show off his prowess to his classmates. True, there were no predators or robbers at school, but here he had the opportunity to turn around to the fullest and become the hero of the week, or even the month.

As soon as the class moved into the distant past of the Earth, a one and a half meter dinosaur appeared next to the protective hemisphere. The lizard's mouth was strewn with sharp teeth, its eyes looked at the aliens without blinking, and its front paws with long claws greedily grabbed the air all the time.

“This is a velociraptor,” Inna Ivanovna said calmly and pointed at the dinosaur with a pointer. - Write it down, otherwise you will later call it a bicycle or a bicycle scratch. Pay attention to his claws. With such a weapon, the predator easily deals with its herbivorous victims.

And the velociraptor, you know, was jumping around the protective cap, snapping its jaws and poking its terrible muzzle into the force field.

He probably thinks that this is a feeding trough, and we are cutlets,” said Tanya Zueva and took out a notebook.

No one will give anyone a crutch,” Inna Ivanovna said after hearing Petka. - You cannot offend animals, even if they are tyrannosaurs.

Inna Ivanovna continued the lesson, and Sentsov pushed his desk neighbor Pavlik in the side, wiped his nose with his fist and pointed to a stone that lay ten meters from the cap under a huge tree fern.

You bet me three clicks that I'll run out and get that stone over there?

I bet,” Pavlik lit up, but then got scared and said: “What if this auto bite grabs you?”

“We’ve seen such motorcycle adapters,” Petka said boastfully. He went to the transparent wall, covered himself with his briefcase and jumped out.

Outside the hemisphere, Sentsov felt a little scared. Eerie sounds were heard from the dense Mesozoic forest: either the hungry roar of some dinosaurs, or the death cries of others. Because of this, it seemed to Petka that the predators were just waiting for him to move away from the protective cap in order to rush at him. He was about to return, but he saw Pavlik’s mocking grin and made up his mind. Throwing away his briefcase, he rushed headlong towards the stone, grabbed it and at that moment heard the battle cry of the dinosaur. He noticed the student, snapped his jaws carnivorously and rushed towards his victim. In one second, the velociraptor cut Sentsov off the cap. Petka had no time to think, and with a pitiful cry he jumped into the Mesozoic bushes.

Sentsov was lucky. Behind the dense thickets of horsetails, he discovered someone's hole. Her hole was wide enough for him to crawl in on all fours. The dinosaur was late for a moment. He snapped his mouth just before the entrance and roared offendedly.

Meanwhile, real panic arose under the hood. Inna Ivanovna even staggered with horror, and two students had to grab her by the arms. The girls squealed deafeningly and pointed their fingers at the velociraptor, the boys shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. And the culprit of the commotion himself crawled into the hole, but soon stopped because he saw someone’s round burning eyes in front of him.

Mommy! - Petka screamed strangledly and backed away. On shaking knees, he climbed out of the hole and turned around. The predator with his briefcase in his teeth was already rushing towards Sentsov at full speed.

Petka himself didn’t understand how he flew up onto the tree fern. He barely managed to pull his legs up, and the unlucky dinosaur missed again. Huge jaws clicked just a millimeter from the heel.

Daddy! - Sentsov cried out, frantically clinging to the branches. But even here an unpleasant surprise awaited him. Looking up, Petka saw burning round eyes in the thick dark crown and, out of horror, almost fell down right into the mouth of a velociraptor.

Inna Ivanovna quickly came to her senses and immediately began to act. The miniature history teacher covered herself with her daddy and jumped out from under the hood. She bravely rushed to the edge of the forest, while running she tore out of the ground a horsetail as thick as her arm, and the entire Mesozoic forest screamed:

Hold on, Sentsov! I'm coming to help!

The dinosaur was taken aback by such impudence. He looked at little Inna Ivanovna in confusion and roared again, but his roar was immediately drowned in the polyphonic cry of the sixth “b” grade.

Give me a dinosaur! - Tanya Zueva shouted and jumped out.

Hurray! - the girls picked up and all as one followed their friend.

Forward to the assault on Velodricinapoppins! - Pavlik barked and rushed forward together with the boys.

The velociraptor clearly did not expect such a turn of events. Having received a horsetail hit in the face several times from the fragile teacher, he recoiled in fear and shook his head. But when a whole horde of screaming students ran up to him, the dinosaur gave up. The huge predator fled from the battlefield like a hare, and the class followed him for some time, whooping. They waved their briefcases, and the girls squealed so shrilly that all living things for many kilometers around fell respectfully silent.

Petka came down from the tree, pale as a wall. At first he couldn’t even speak, but only mumbled something. It immediately became clear that the predator had thrown Sentsov’s briefcase somewhere, but they did not look for it in such dense thickets.

Everyone march under the hood! - Inna Ivanova ordered, adjusting her glasses with her finger. - The lesson continues.

Since then, Petka began to behave quieter and more modest. And after another month, I even began to study better. This happened after the class was taken on an excursion to the paleontological museum. The lecture was very interesting, and at the end the guide led the children to the display case, pointed to the petrified briefcase and said:

And this is the latest sensational discovery by paleontologists. She changed our understanding of dinosaurs. The briefcase was found in a cave next to the bones of a velociraptor. This means that these dinosaurs were intelligent and attended school. Scientists sawed open a fossilized briefcase and found several notebooks and a school diary there, which are about a hundred million years old. Now we even know the name of this velociraptor. His name was Sentsov Peter. But it must be said that the dinosaur Sentsov was not entirely intelligent. In his fossilized diary and notebooks, we found only two marks. Thanks to this, scientists concluded that dinosaurs became extinct because they did not want to learn.

When the guide finished, the entire sixth “b” was writhing with laughter. Only one boy did not laugh. Hanging his head, red with embarrassment, he slowly walked out of the museum and on the way home gave himself firm word, go and really do your homework for the first time in your life.

Andrey Salomatov

Fantasy stories

History lesson

The history lesson in sixth "b" was the last. Inna Ivanovna took the children to the hall, from where they had to move as a class ninety million years ago to the Mesozoic era, at a time when dinosaurs walked the planet like ordinary animals.

In the transfer hall, the students were instructed and seated under a protective transparent hood, under which not even a midge from the past could penetrate. But the boys had long known how to get out from under the hood. To avoid falling under the force field, you just had to cover yourself with your briefcase like an umbrella and jump out. This is exactly what one of the students, Petka Sentsov, was going to do.

Petka was a poor student, if not worse, but he was a very proud person and loved to show off his prowess to his classmates. True, there were no predators or robbers at school, but here he had the opportunity to turn around to the fullest and become the hero of the week, or even the month.

As soon as the class moved into the distant past of the Earth, a one and a half meter dinosaur appeared next to the protective hemisphere. The lizard's mouth was strewn with sharp teeth, its eyes looked at the aliens without blinking, and its front paws with long claws greedily grabbed the air all the time.

“This is a velociraptor,” Inna Ivanovna said calmly and pointed at the dinosaur with a pointer. - Write it down, otherwise you will later call it a bicycle or a bicycle scratch. Pay attention to his claws. With such a weapon, the predator easily deals with its herbivorous victims.

And the velociraptor, you know, was jumping around the protective cap, snapping its jaws and poking its terrible muzzle into the force field.

He probably thinks that this is a feeding trough, and we are cutlets,” said Tanya Zueva and took out a notebook.

No one will give anyone a crutch,” Inna Ivanovna said after hearing Petka. - You cannot offend animals, even if they are tyrannosaurs.

Inna Ivanovna continued the lesson, and Sentsov pushed his desk neighbor Pavlik in the side, wiped his nose with his fist and pointed to a stone that lay ten meters from the cap under a huge tree fern.

You bet me three clicks that I'll run out and get that stone over there?

I bet,” Pavlik lit up, but then got scared and said: “What if this auto bite grabs you?”

“We’ve seen such motorcycle adapters,” Petka said boastfully. He went to the transparent wall, covered himself with his briefcase and jumped out.

Outside the hemisphere, Sentsov felt a little scared. Eerie sounds were heard from the dense Mesozoic forest: either the hungry roar of some dinosaurs, or the death cries of others. Because of this, it seemed to Petka that the predators were just waiting for him to move away from the protective cap in order to rush at him. He was about to return, but he saw Pavlik’s mocking grin and made up his mind. Throwing away his briefcase, he rushed headlong towards the stone, grabbed it and at that moment heard the battle cry of the dinosaur. He noticed the student, snapped his jaws carnivorously and rushed towards his victim. In one second, the velociraptor cut Sentsov off the cap. Petka had no time to think, and with a pitiful cry he jumped into the Mesozoic bushes.

Sentsov was lucky. Behind the dense thickets of horsetails, he discovered someone's hole. Her hole was wide enough for him to crawl in on all fours. The dinosaur was late for a moment. He snapped his mouth just before the entrance and roared offendedly.

Meanwhile, real panic arose under the hood. Inna Ivanovna even staggered with horror, and two students had to grab her by the arms. The girls squealed deafeningly and pointed their fingers at the velociraptor, the boys shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. And the culprit of the commotion himself crawled into the hole, but soon stopped because he saw someone’s round burning eyes in front of him.

Mommy! - Petka screamed strangledly and backed away. On shaking knees, he climbed out of the hole and turned around. The predator with his briefcase in his teeth was already rushing towards Sentsov at full speed.

Petka himself didn’t understand how he flew up onto the tree fern. He barely managed to pull his legs up, and the unlucky dinosaur missed again. Huge jaws clicked just a millimeter from the heel.

Daddy! - Sentsov cried out, frantically clinging to the branches. But even here an unpleasant surprise awaited him. Looking up, Petka saw burning round eyes in the thick dark crown and, out of horror, almost fell down right into the mouth of a velociraptor.

Inna Ivanovna quickly came to her senses and immediately began to act. The miniature history teacher covered herself with her daddy and jumped out from under the hood. She bravely rushed to the edge of the forest, while running she tore out of the ground a horsetail as thick as her arm, and the entire Mesozoic forest screamed:

Hold on, Sentsov! I'm coming to help!

The dinosaur was taken aback by such impudence. He looked at little Inna Ivanovna in confusion and roared again, but his roar was immediately drowned in the polyphonic cry of the sixth “b” grade.

Give me a dinosaur! - Tanya Zueva shouted and jumped out.

Hurray! - the girls picked up and all as one followed their friend.

Forward to the assault on Velodricinapoppins! - Pavlik barked and rushed forward together with the boys.

The velociraptor clearly did not expect such a turn of events. Having received a horsetail hit in the face several times from the fragile teacher, he recoiled in fear and shook his head. But when a whole horde of screaming students ran up to him, the dinosaur gave up. The huge predator fled from the battlefield like a hare, and the class followed him for some time, whooping. They waved their briefcases, and the girls squealed so shrilly that all living things for many kilometers around fell respectfully silent.

Petka came down from the tree, pale as a wall. At first he couldn’t even speak, but only mumbled something. It immediately became clear that the predator had thrown Sentsov’s briefcase somewhere, but they did not look for it in such dense thickets.

Everyone march under the hood! - Inna Ivanova ordered, adjusting her glasses with her finger. - The lesson continues.

Since then, Petka began to behave quieter and more modest. And after another month, I even began to study better. This happened after the class was taken on an excursion to the paleontological museum. The lecture was very interesting, and at the end the guide led the children to the display case, pointed to the petrified briefcase and said:

And this is the latest sensational discovery by paleontologists. She changed our understanding of dinosaurs. The briefcase was found in a cave next to the bones of a velociraptor. This means that these dinosaurs were intelligent and attended school. Scientists sawed open a fossilized briefcase and found several notebooks and a school diary there, which are about a hundred million years old. Now we even know the name of this velociraptor. His name was Sentsov Peter. But it must be said that the dinosaur Sentsov was not entirely intelligent. In his fossilized diary and notebooks, we found only two marks. Thanks to this, scientists concluded that dinosaurs became extinct because they did not want to learn.

When the guide finished, the entire sixth “b” was writhing with laughter. Only one boy did not laugh. Hanging his head, red with embarrassment, he slowly left the museum and on the way home made a firm promise to himself to go and really do his homework for the first time in his life.

Adviser

Andrey Salomatov

Fantasy stories

History lesson

The history lesson in sixth "b" was the last. Inna Ivanovna took the children to the hall, from where they had to move as a class ninety million years ago to the Mesozoic era, at a time when dinosaurs walked the planet like ordinary animals.

In the transfer hall, the students were instructed and seated under a protective transparent hood, under which not even a midge from the past could penetrate. But the boys had long known how to get out from under the hood. To avoid falling under the force field, you just had to cover yourself with your briefcase like an umbrella and jump out. This is exactly what one of the students, Petka Sentsov, was going to do.

Petka was a poor student, if not worse, but he was a very proud person and loved to show off his prowess to his classmates. True, there were no predators or robbers at school, but here he had the opportunity to turn around to the fullest and become the hero of the week, or even the month.

As soon as the class moved into the distant past of the Earth, a one and a half meter dinosaur appeared next to the protective hemisphere. The lizard's mouth was strewn with sharp teeth, its eyes looked at the aliens without blinking, and its front paws with long claws greedily grabbed the air all the time.

“This is a velociraptor,” Inna Ivanovna said calmly and pointed at the dinosaur with a pointer. - Write it down, otherwise you will later call it a bicycle or a bicycle scratch. Pay attention to his claws. With such a weapon, the predator easily deals with its herbivorous victims.

And the velociraptor, you know, was jumping around the protective cap, snapping its jaws and poking its terrible muzzle into the force field.

He probably thinks that this is a feeding trough, and we are cutlets,” said Tanya Zueva and took out a notebook.

No one will give anyone a crutch,” Inna Ivanovna said after hearing Petka. - You cannot offend animals, even if they are tyrannosaurs.

Inna Ivanovna continued the lesson, and Sentsov pushed his desk neighbor Pavlik in the side, wiped his nose with his fist and pointed to a stone that lay ten meters from the cap under a huge tree fern.

You bet me three clicks that I'll run out and get that stone over there?

I bet,” Pavlik lit up, but then got scared and said: “What if this auto bite grabs you?”

“We’ve seen such motorcycle adapters,” Petka said boastfully. He went to the transparent wall, covered himself with his briefcase and jumped out.

Outside the hemisphere, Sentsov felt a little scared. Eerie sounds were heard from the dense Mesozoic forest: either the hungry roar of some dinosaurs, or the death cries of others. Because of this, it seemed to Petka that the predators were just waiting for him to move away from the protective cap in order to rush at him. He was about to return, but he saw Pavlik’s mocking grin and made up his mind. Throwing away his briefcase, he rushed headlong towards the stone, grabbed it and at that moment heard the battle cry of the dinosaur. He noticed the student, snapped his jaws carnivorously and rushed towards his victim. In one second, the velociraptor cut Sentsov off the cap. Petka had no time to think, and with a pitiful cry he jumped into the Mesozoic bushes.

Sentsov was lucky. Behind the dense thickets of horsetails, he discovered someone's hole. Her hole was wide enough for him to crawl in on all fours. The dinosaur was late for a moment. He snapped his mouth just before the entrance and roared offendedly.

Meanwhile, real panic arose under the hood. Inna Ivanovna even staggered with horror, and two students had to grab her by the arms. The girls squealed deafeningly and pointed their fingers at the velociraptor, the boys shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. And the culprit of the commotion himself crawled into the hole, but soon stopped because he saw someone’s round burning eyes in front of him.

Mommy! - Petka screamed strangledly and backed away. On shaking knees, he climbed out of the hole and turned around. The predator with his briefcase in his teeth was already rushing towards Sentsov at full speed.

Petka himself didn’t understand how he flew up onto the tree fern. He barely managed to pull his legs up, and the unlucky dinosaur missed again. Huge jaws clicked just a millimeter from the heel.

Inna Ivanovna quickly came to her senses and immediately began to act. The miniature history teacher covered herself with her daddy and jumped out from under the hood. She bravely rushed to the edge of the forest, while running she tore out of the ground a horsetail as thick as her arm, and the entire Mesozoic forest screamed:

Hold on, Sentsov! I'm coming to help!

The dinosaur was taken aback by such impudence. He looked at little Inna Ivanovna in confusion and roared again, but his roar was immediately drowned in the polyphonic cry of the sixth “b” grade.

Give me a dinosaur! - Tanya Zueva shouted and jumped out.

Hurray! - the girls picked up and all as one followed their friend.

Forward to the assault on Velodricinapoppins! - Pavlik barked and rushed forward together with the boys.

The velociraptor clearly did not expect such a turn of events. Having received a horsetail hit in the face several times from the fragile teacher, he recoiled in fear and shook his head. But when a whole horde of screaming students ran up to him, the dinosaur gave up. The huge predator fled from the battlefield like a hare, and the class followed him for some time, whooping. They waved their briefcases, and the girls squealed so shrilly that all living things for many kilometers around fell respectfully silent.

Petka came down from the tree, pale as a wall. At first he couldn’t even speak, but only mumbled something. It immediately became clear that the predator had thrown Sentsov’s briefcase somewhere, but they did not look for it in such dense thickets.

Everyone march under the hood! - Inna Ivanova ordered, adjusting her glasses with her finger. - The lesson continues.

Since then, Petka began to behave quieter and more modest. And after another month, I even began to study better. This happened after the class was taken on an excursion to the paleontological museum. The lecture was very interesting, and at the end the guide led the children to the display case, pointed to the petrified briefcase and said:

And this is the latest sensational discovery by paleontologists. She changed our understanding of dinosaurs. The briefcase was found in a cave next to the bones of a velociraptor. This means that these dinosaurs were intelligent and attended school. Scientists sawed open a fossilized briefcase and found several notebooks and a school diary there, which are about a hundred million years old. Now we even know the name of this velociraptor. His name was Sentsov Peter. But it must be said that the dinosaur Sentsov was not entirely intelligent. In his fossilized diary and notebooks, we found only two marks. Thanks to this, scientists concluded that dinosaurs became extinct because they did not want to learn.

When the guide finished, the entire sixth “b” was writhing with laughter. Only one boy did not laugh. Hanging his head, red with embarrassment, he slowly left the museum and on the way home made a firm promise to himself to go and really do his homework for the first time in his life.

Adviser

For his birthday, dad gave Ilya an advisor computer in an elegant blue case. Presenting the gift, dad said:

Congratulations, son! Appreciate this thing, it's smart. And always listen to her advice. Of all evils, she will choose the least. If I had such a device in my childhood, I would probably have already become an academician. This jalopy has a bright head. Well, I mean, the balls work great. After all, a prototype of our institute.

The small computer was so beautiful and pleasant to the touch that Ilya, as soon as he strapped it to his hand, never parted with it even in bed. It was not very comfortable to sleep, but the Adviser responded to all Ilyusha’s thoughts and poured out advice. As soon as Ilya thought about how to correct the bad mark in geography, the Advisor immediately muttered:

In order to correct the deuce, you need to learn a lesson.

Ilya decided to give the Adviser a more difficult job. He thought: “How can I learn to fly?” And the computer began to explain long and tediously how to build a light aircraft.

When Ilya got tired of hearing about the device, he thought: “How can I make you shut up?” - and the Advisor replied:

You need to relax and not think about anything.

After this advice, Ilya fell asleep.

The next day, Ilya took the Adviser with him to school. No one in the class had such a machine, and Ilya showed the children the capabilities of the computer throughout the changes. They asked the Advisor about everything: how to get from the school porch to the sources of the Brahmaputra River, and how to catch Bigfoot, and what to do if hooligans with grenade launchers attack you. The Adviser answered all these questions equally tediously and at great length. And then, maybe it seemed to Ilya, or maybe it was true, but by the end of the lessons, a slightly noticeable irritation appeared in the Advisor’s voice. To Ilya’s mental question: “How can I get away from a math test?” The advisor replied:

Lessons need to be learned, you don’t have to run away.

After classes, Ilya, as usual, went home along the longer road through the park. He loved to walk here because the park is not a street: he can breathe more freely, he can imagine better, and in the ravine, according to rumors, there were real vipers. True, Ilya never saw them, but he also never saw a snowman, but he believed that such a person lived somewhere, and maybe not even alone.

Walking along the path, Ilya suddenly heard a real cry. He parted the bushes, stuck his head in and saw the girl. The girl was very ordinary: in a school uniform, but without a briefcase. The briefcase was somewhere between heaven and earth - the unfamiliar boy was constantly trying to throw it into the tree.

Seeing the boy throwing someone else’s briefcase, Ilya thought: “Now I’ll give it to him!..”

“No,” the Adviser said quickly. “I’ve already figured it out: his biceps are twice as big as yours.” There will be trouble. - And the Advisor began to list: - First - a broken nose, second - torn buttons, third - a conversation with mom, fourth...

“Shut up,” Ilya interrupted him and climbed through the bushes.

Well, where are you, where are you going? - muttered the Advisor. And Ilya, finding himself in a clearing, shouted to the offender:

Hey, give her the briefcase!

The boy looked at the defender in surprise and replied:

Right now, as soon as I give it, my ears will fall off.

After these words, Ilya realized that the boy was serious, which meant a fight could not be avoided. As soon as this thought flashed through his head, the Advisor muttered in fear:

What are you doing? Why do you need this? - but Ilya, like a matador, has already decisively attacked the offender.

The brawl did not last long. The boy had larger fists, but Ilya’s courage did its job, and the forces turned out to be almost equal. The fight ended with a score of 2:2. Ilya's nose was broken and his collar torn off, his opponent's lip was swollen and one pocket was missing. The briefcase returned to its owner, and the Adviser reprimanded Ilya the rest of the way:

Still, you are behaving very imprudently! You could easily have broken me - that’s the fourth thing, and fifthly, look at who you’ve become like.

For the next three days, Ilya and the Adviser lived in perfect harmony. All this time, as punishment for the fight, my mother did not let Ilya go for a walk. But on the fourth day, Sunday, Ilya had the most fun for the entire week. As soon as he left home in the morning, he did not return until the evening. He kept waiting for it to get dark. The fact is that Ilya got into a fight again. But he fought not because he loved to fight, but simply out of a sense of justice. When two of his friends went to dinner, Ilya also headed home, but on the way, on the shore of the park lake, he saw two boys. They climbed the reeds and looked for duck nests. At first, Ilya had no intention of quarreling with them. He told the boys not to touch these nests.

And then look!

Well, I see,” said Ilya and thought: “Again, mom won’t let me go out for three days.” At this time the Advisor spoke:

Don't you dare, he said. - There are two of them! They beat you up, and even roll you in the mud.

Leave me alone,” Ilya said quietly, but the Adviser did not let up.

What do you mean leave me alone?! I am the Advisor. You won't end up in trouble. If you don't think about yourself, then at least think about me. In the end, I want to live. You’ve been living there for ten years, and I’m only a few weeks old.

But Ilya had already approached the very reeds.

“I told you, don’t touch the nest,” he turned to the boys again.

The Adviser turned out to be right. Ilya was not only rolled out in the coastal clay, but his shirt was also torn. And his nose was swollen, and his whole cheek was scratched. True, the boys got it too. One had to swim in his clothes, and with the other, Ilya rolled on the clay for a long time in an embrace. Either the boy will saddle Ilya, then Ilya will saddle the boy. So this skirmish, one might say, ended in a draw. But this did not make it any easier for Ilya. And then the Advisor bothered me with his advice: what to apply to a swollen nose, how to clean clay from clothes, what to tell mom so she wouldn’t be too scared, and even how to move on with her life.

No, Ilya,” the Adviser mumbled, “I, of course, respect you, but you are behaving very imprudently.” I don’t even know what to advise you. You still don't listen to me. Maybe you can leave me at home? I, honestly, tired of your exploits. You almost killed me just now. It’s good that the clay is soft, but what if all this happened on asphalt? I can't live!..

Either it was the words of the Advisor that had such an influence on Ilya, or maybe it was fear of punishment. In any case, Ilya promised the computer that he would try not to fight anymore.

That evening, at home, Ilya had a violent fit. Mom unfairly called Ilya a bandit and a hooligan. But dad was silent all the time. He only occasionally looked out from behind the newspaper and chuckled. In the end he got it too. Mom said that there are some fathers who don’t care how their sons behave. After this phrase, a voice was heard from behind the newspaper: “Mmhmmm.” This “mmm” angered my mother even more, and she said:

For some reason, these fathers give their hooligan sons expensive electronic toys. They probably think that these toys will replace fathers for sons.

From behind the newspaper I heard: “Hmm,” and my mother couldn’t stand it and burst into tears.

We all persuaded my mother together. Dad stroked her head, swore that now he would look after Ilya with all his eyes. And also with my own hands will sew up torn shirts and, in general, from now on will seriously take up raising his son. And Ilya also promised so many things that he almost immediately forgot all his promises.

By dinner everyone had finally made peace with each other. It was decided not to remember this unpleasant incident, but for some reason the punishment remained in force. Ilya had to sit at home for three whole days.

Already going to bed, Ilya went into his parents’ room to wish them Good night. At this time, his mother stood with her back to him, and Ilya heard the Advisor’s voice:

Does he really need me? He needs a machine gun. He sticks his nose into everything. So I advise you to take me away from him. Use it yourself. I hope you won’t start fighting.

No,” Dad said from behind the newspaper. “We can manage just fine without your advice, but Ilya might need it.”

Yes? - asked the Adviser. - So I can’t live.

Everything ends someday. These three days have also passed. Ilya was again allowed to go outside. And he walked normally, without any incidents. Well, there, his shoe fell apart from hitting the ball, he got a bad mark in singing, and he brought a kitten into the house, which he found in a pile of scrap metal - these are all everyday little things.

The main thing is that he came home without bruises and almost as clean as before the festivities. The Advisor helped him partly in this. As soon as Ilya had a different thought, the Adviser immediately reminded:

Ilya, remember what you promised your mother. If you fight again, then firstly, you can lose me forever, secondly, you will let both yourself and dad down, and thirdly... well, you will find out about the third after you fight. Look, I answer for you with my head. That is, microcircuits.

“It’s clear,” Ilya answered, and everything worked out as well as possible.

But one day, or on the fifth day after last fight, or maybe on the sixth, Ilya walked past the neighboring yard and saw how three boys took a bicycle from a first-grader and began to slide it down a wooden slide. After the second such descent, the bike began to wobble with the front wheel and creak like an ungreased cart. The first-grader began to cry, but this only amused the boys.

Calm down,” the Adviser said to Ilya, “just calm down.” There are three of them, nothing can be done. They'll roll it up and give it back. You still can’t protect everyone.

“They’ll break it,” said Ilya.

Lowering his head, he walked past, and the Adviser began to babble:

Well done, so smart! Otherwise they would have screwed me up now. These are the wrong two for you and the wrong one. Look how healthy they are!

Ilya looked, stopped and resolutely walked towards the boys.

Where?! - exclaimed the Adviser. - There are three of them! Crazy! Oh, how much trouble you will have! You promised mom and dad! What are you doing?! No, I can't do this anymore.

But nothing could stop Ilya. He knew he was right, and the rest didn't matter to him.

Ay-ay-ay,” the computer muttered, “that’s it, goodbye, I’m shutting down.”

“Be healthy,” Ilya told him, and then something extraordinary happened to the Adviser. He suddenly yelled:

OK! Was not! Seven troubles, one answer! So, then, you don’t have to be afraid of the left one in the cap. Weakling. He'll run away on his own. The one on the right is bolder, but clumsy. Look, it's average, it's tenacious, it can tear off the collar. Oh, how many bruises you will have!

Ilya returned home with a heavy heart. My face was burning. The adviser on his arm crackled and grunted. Sometimes through the crackling one could hear:

Did I make teffe? Did I make teffe?

And Ilya walked and thought: “What will happen at home now!”

“Nothing,” he heard through wheezing and crackling, “don’t drift.” I'm taking my mom for a nap.

Kelem from the constellation Gemini

When Seryozha returned from school, the whole family was in the living room. But, besides my parents and grandfather, there was someone else completely unusual in the room. The stranger was warmly and somehow strangely dressed. It seemed that his clothes consisted of only sleeves, trousers and straps with buckles. And from each such sleeve, from each trouser leg, something gray and scaly protruded.

Out of surprise, Seryozha stopped at the door, and dad got up from the sofa and said:

Here, Seryozha, meet me. This is Kelem. He will stay with us until the evening, until his dad returns from the city.

Kelem is from the constellation Gemini,” my mother explained. - Well, why are you standing there? Come closer and get to know each other. Kelem is your age.

Seryozha put down his briefcase and hesitantly approached the guest.

“Hello,” he said stammeringly and extended his hand to Kelem, and the guest slid off the sofa and found himself a head shorter than Seryozha.

Kelem speaks through an automatic translator, Dad said, that’s why he has such a voice. You show Kelem our house and garden. She and dad are on our planet for the first time. He's probably interested in everything.

Seryozha looked at the alien in confusion and did not know how to behave, embarrassed by him unusual appearance. Only his head was ordinary, like people’s.

“I’ll call you for lunch,” mom said, and dad patted Kelem on the shoulder and encouraged:

Don't be shy. If anything, Seryozha will help. He's the guy we need! Just a little bit of a liar...

Seryozha and Kelem walked out into the garden in silence. Seryozha looked sideways at the extraordinary guest and thought: “What am I going to do with him? So he stuck himself on my head!”

On the porch, Kelem shied away from the butterfly. Seryozha laughed, but immediately caught himself.

We don’t have such animals,” Kelem explained.

“It’s a butterfly, it doesn’t bite,” said Seryozha and then asked: “Why are you dressed so warmly?” Today it's hot.

Yes, yes, we are dressed warmly,” Kelem agreed. - We only have this temperature in winter.

Yes? - Seryozha was surprised and fell silent. He didn't know what else to say. He really wanted to ask Kelem about the planet on which he lives, but nothing came to mind. All the questions he had prepared disappeared somewhere. Then Seryozha asked the first thing he came across:

Do you know how to play tag?

Kelem was silent for a while and then answered:

My auto translator doesn't know this word.

Well, this is when everyone runs away, and one has to catch someone, Seryozha explained.

Kelem thought again and asked:

What is the point of this game?

Well, - Seryozha was confused. - We need to catch someone.

“I don’t think it’s interesting,” Kelem said.

Seryozha felt offended and fell silent. Silently they descended from the porch and silently sat down on a bench under the apple tree. Finally Kelem said:

Okay, let's play tag.

“Oh, well,” Seryozha answered indifferently. - That's me. “I haven’t played tag for five years now,” he lied.

Seryozha was confused - he didn’t know this word, but he quickly found it:

Certainly! We always do cartoons during breaks at school.

Then let’s play,” Kelem perked up. He suddenly slid down from the bench, and Seryozha saw a whole round dance of Kelems. They jumped in a circle, wriggled like a snake and all looked at Seryozha.

Wow! - Seryozha burst out, but he quickly pulled himself together and faked a yawn. - I don’t want to today. I'm tired of school.

Kelemov's round dance formed like an accordion, and the guest again took his place on the bench. And Seryozha sat and thought hard: how he could surprise the alien. Yes, so as not to lose face. But some little thing was spinning in his head: hide and seek, aquarium fish, a homemade crossbow. Seryozha remembered football, but thought: “Well, he’ll say, so many fools are kicking around one ball!..”

Serezha’s desire to surprise the guest was so strong that he still could not resist and asked:

How is this done? - Kelem was surprised.

“And then I’ll show you,” Seryozha waved his hand, “I left the proofreader in the desk.”

The goal was achieved. Kelem didn’t know how to correct himself, and Seryozha’s mood immediately lifted. He invited the guest to go to the lake, and he agreed, but after a few steps Kelem said:

My auto-translator knows this word - proofreader, correct, but I just can’t understand the principle of the game.

Well, I said later, that means later,” Seryozha answered and ran.

Catch up,” he shouted, “let’s see who’s faster.”

Seryozha did not finish speaking, because Kelem suddenly found himself far ahead. Serezha immediately lost interest in running. With a sad face, he trudged to the waiting Kelem and, without stopping, said:

I twisted my ankle at school. Hurts.

And are you still running? - Kelem asked, and Seryozha felt surprise in the metallic voice of the auto-translator.

Yes, if it didn’t hurt, you wouldn’t have caught up with me so easily.

Yes, yes,” Kelem nodded his head. He was silent for a while, and then said politely: “Please don’t be offended by what I tell you.”

Seryozha felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach from these words. “Well,” he thought, “now he’ll say that I’m a liar.” And Kelem continued:

I don’t understand how you, having only two legs, can walk and not fall, and even run so fast? When I saw your dad today, I was very surprised. - These words made Seryozha’s soul feel better. He smiled and proudly answered:

Well, that's us easily. We can do it on two, we can do it on one. - He tucked one leg and jumped along the path. “I can even do it on my hands,” Seryozha shouted, stood up on his hands and immediately fell. And when he got up, he saw that Kelem was quickly running upside down.

I can do it in my arms too! - the alien shouted.

Seryozha approached the lake, slightly upset. The satisfaction from “correction” and my bipedality has somewhat faded. He no longer wanted to invent anything, he simply suggested:

Let's take a swim. Our lake water is warm until November.

No, thank you,” Kelem replied, “we don’t swim in unfamiliar bodies of water.”

And we easily,” Seryozha laughed. He had another opportunity to get the better of his guest, and he took off his shorts and shirt. Another time, Seryozha would have stood on the shore for a long time, testing the water with his foot, but now he ran up and jumped like a swallow from the high bank. “Know ours!” - Serezha thought during the flight. He splashed loudly into the water, quickly emerged and saw Kelem, almost without touching the water with his feet, run to the other side of the lake.

"Wow!" - thought Seryozha. Kelem had already jumped out to the opposite bank, waved his hand and returned back in a few moments.

For the rest of the day, Seryozha showed Kelem the garden, then his room and collections of stamps, coins and badges. Kelem admired everything with genuine interest. He especially liked books that had many bright illustrations. Proud of his wealth, Seryozha gave the guest two books, and Kelem did not let go of the gift all evening.

After dinner, mom sent Seryozha to prepare his homework, and he went to his room, leaving his new friend at the table with the adults. Seryozha really didn’t want to leave. He never asked Kelem about his planet. But mother was inexorable, and Seryozha had to leave. True, half an hour later he returned to the living room and said gloomily:

I can't solve the problem.

Well, - said dad, - we need to study properly, and not be foolish all day long. Well, give me the board and chalk here. We'll decide together.

Within a minute of Seryozha bringing the board, dad began scratching the back of his head. Then he wrote a very complex formula, but then grandfather intervened:

What are you writing? - he was indignant. - What is your alpha equal to?! - He took a chalk and wrote a few numbers on the board. Following him, his mother intervened, and when the argument heated up and Seryozha was no longer noticed, he quietly slapped Kelem on the back and pointed to the door. Kelem understood everything immediately. Quietly the guys left the living room.

Seryozha managed to ask Kelem about many things. They started saying “you” to each other and even fought a little. Kelem won the first time, but Seryozha won the second time. True, it seemed to him that Kelem had succumbed, but this thought seemed offensive to Seryozha, and he did not develop it.

The guys returned to the living room in the midst of an argument. Grandfather, forgetting about his radiculitis, waved his arms and demanded that he give him the chalk.

“If you don’t know the basics,” he reprimanded his mother loudly, she would be embarrassed to write such a thing. Just think, this is my daughter!

Grandfather erased what she wrote with the sleeve of his pajamas, but mother did not give up. She picked up the chalk again.

Serezha’s relatives would probably have been arguing for a long time if it weren’t for Kelem. He apologized to everyone, asked his mother for chalk and quickly wrote the solution to the problem on the board. For some time the whole family silently studied what was written, and then everyone embarrassedly dispersed.

Well,” said dad, “take Kelem’s example.”

It wouldn’t hurt you either,” grandfather said sarcastically, and dad replied:

Actually, I'm a biologist... although, of course, you're right.

And Seryozha shook Kelem’s hand with admiration, took the board under his arm, and went to rewrite the solution.

When Seryozha appeared in the living room again, Kelem’s dad was already there. Seryozha was even frightened from surprise. The alien was much larger than Kelem, but just as multi-armed and multi-legged. He extended one of his hands to Seryozha in an earthly manner, stroked his head with the other hand and said to Seryozha’s dad:

You look like you!

Everyone agreed, although they knew that Seryozha exact copy moms. And dad, as an old friend, said:

Yes, we all look the same to you, that’s why it seems so to you.

“Well, we all look the same to you, too,” Kelem’s dad answered, and everyone laughed.

While the adults were talking, Seryozha and Kelem went out onto the porch.

So you're flying away? - said Seryozha, sighing.

Yes,” Kelem answered regretfully.

It’s a pity,” Kelem confirmed. He clumsily patted Seryozha on the shoulder and said: “I won’t forget you.” You know, I've never met people who think so openly.

How is this? - Seryozha didn’t understand.

Well, they don’t hide their thoughts. They think as they want.

How do you know what I think? - Seryozha was surprised.

No,” answered Seryozha. And then he understood everything. “So you…” he began and was horrified. “Did you know what I was thinking all this time?!”

Yes,” Kelem answered.

“But I lied to him!” - Seryozha thought, blushing with shame.

“I didn’t lie, I made it up,” Kelem corrected him.

Seryozha was completely upset. Lowering his head, he sighed and said:

No, I didn’t make it up, I lied.

Sorry,” Kelem answered embarrassedly. “I didn’t know that you didn’t know that I could read minds.”

“You know,” Kelem suddenly said and lowered his head, “I can’t run, and I can’t walk on my hands, and I can’t multiply...

H-how? - Seryozha didn’t understand.

That’s it,” Kelem immediately threw up his hands. “Everything seemed to you, but I just stood next to you and suggested.”

Hypnosis? - asked Seryozha.

Yes,” Kelem answered sadly. - I really wanted to defeat you.

Well, you... - Seryozha began with admiration. He wanted to say “liar”, but changed his mind and instead admitted:

Yes, I also lied to you that I know how to correct myself. I don’t even know what it is.

Yes, I know you can’t,” Kelem answered.

The whole family escorted the guests to the car. It had long since become dark outside, and Seryozha waved his hand for a long time in the darkness. The lights of the car disappeared into the distance, and Seryozha suddenly became unbearably sad. But he overcame this feeling with an effort of will and only said:

“I don’t know about hypnosis,” dad answered, “but Kelem runs great.” Mom and I saw it from the window.

About me and the car

All these miracles began immediately after dad finally finished his car. He named it MVBD-1, which means "Short Range Time Machine." This unit occupied most of rooms, and inside there was a booth the size of a refrigerator box.

Dad immediately invited mom, grandfather and me to try out his invention. He climbed into the booth, flew out the day before yesterday for my mother’s birthday and returned five minutes later with that wonderful cake that we just finished yesterday. Even a shiver ran down my spine, and I said:

Wow!

But my mother and grandfather didn’t believe it. Grandfather told dad that at dad’s age it was shameful to do such nonsense. And mom said that dad probably had a few more cakes hidden in that car and that it wasn’t worth spending so much money just to demonstrate this trick. Then dad got offended, climbed into the booth and returned a few minutes later with a fried leg of lamb, which we ate a week ago. Dad apparently took it straight out of the oven, because the apartment immediately smelled of fried lamb.

I immediately called my grandfather to make sure, but my grandfather was again unhappy.

“You should perform in the circus,” he said and went off to read the newspaper.

But my mother seemed to believe it. Anyway, she was really surprised and said:

But this is impossible.

And dad proudly answered her:

If it works, then it's possible.

Only I immediately believed my dad. Firstly, because I helped him make a car.

Secondly, I know how many parts from old TVs and vacuum cleaners went into it. And thirdly, who else to trust if not the pope?

For the rest of the evening, dad completed his invention: soldered, screwed, screwed. My mother and I sometimes looked into his office and asked:

And he told us:

Don't interfere. I'll finish it and we'll see.

And grandfather at this time pretended to be reading a newspaper and grumbled:

Made it! My son invented a time machine. That's all we need.

The next day, mom and dad went to work, and grandpa and I were left alone. As soon as the door slammed behind my parents, my grandfather winked at me and nodded towards my father’s office.

“You don’t believe me,” I said.

I don't not believe, but I doubt. - Grandfather answered. - It’s good for you, you’ve seen so little in your ten years that you can believe in anything. But I’ve been living for 61 years and I can’t just accept all sorts of time machines and flying saucers.

Grandfather and I went into my father’s office. Grandfather examined the time machine from all sides and carefully climbed into the cabin.

What, maybe we can try? - he asked me.

Come on,” I was delighted, “press these buttons with numbers.”

I closed the cabin door and put my ear to it. Something buzzed inside. Grandfather was gone for so long that I became scared. What if he stayed there and couldn’t come back? But finally the door opened, and grandfather came out, walking backwards. I wanted to ask why he had been gone for so long, but suddenly I saw another one of my grandfathers in the cabin. This second one also came out and stood next to the first one.

Here, I brought myself a friend, the first grandfather said, smiling slyly.

This doesn’t happen,” I said and closed my eyes.

“But it happens,” answered the grandfather. “You’ve just seen so little in your ten years that you can’t even imagine what miracles there are in the world.”

Having forbidden me to approach the car, the grandfathers went to their room to play chess. I heard one say something to the other about defending Petrakov. And I lost all desire to go for a walk. And there was no one with whom. Vovka went to the village to visit his grandmother, Sashka and his parents went south, and both Mishkas went to a pioneer camp. But then a wonderful idea came to my mind. Sneaking into the room, I quietly climbed into the time machine and pressed two buttons: “yesterday” and “9.00”. After waiting for the cars to stop whirring, I opened the door. Dad's office hasn't changed at all.

Hey, I shouted, is there anyone?

Footsteps were heard in the corridor, and someone entered the office... I don’t even know how to say it. I entered myself. Well, I had a face. Or rather, from him. Worse than in the mirror when I make faces at myself. His mouth opened, and even the hair on the top of his head rose. I tell him:

Come here quickly, otherwise grandpa will come.

But there is no grandfather. He disappeared somewhere. He just came and disappeared.

“He hasn’t disappeared anywhere,” I say, “he’s with my grandfather... that is, he’s playing chess with our grandfather tomorrow.” Tonight my dad, he and your dad too, will finish his car, and tomorrow you will fly back to yesterday, just like me. And then you will understand everything. Now let's hurry up!

I jumped out of the cabin, grabbed myself, or rather, his sleeve, and pulled him back. And he, apparently, was so frightened that he did not resist, but only muttered:

Where yesterday? What tomorrow? But still, apparently, grandfather was right.

And where will we fly? - he asked laughing.

I told him my plan and we laughed together. After that, I again pressed the same buttons and after some time opened the door. I told my other self to sit in the booth, and I quietly made my way into the room. Grandfather the day before yesterday was having breakfast in the kitchen, and I, that is, the day before yesterday, was still sleeping. Today I pushed him away and immediately covered his mouth with my hand, because he woke up and almost screamed. After explaining to him what was going on, I grabbed his clothes, and together we made our way to the car. There I introduced the me of the day before yesterday to the me of yesterday, and after that we went to the day before yesterday. When we were in the cabin like sardines in a barrel, we returned to that day where our two grandfathers played chess.

We slowly left the apartment and went for a walk outside. That was great! We met our neighbor Vera Pavlovna, and she almost fell down the stairs.

I can imagine how surprised she was to see six of me. And by the way, she hasn’t loved me even since I accidentally hit her with a ball.

And on the street all the passers-by looked at us with wide eyes. We walked for a bit, and when we got tired of surprising passers-by, we went to play football. There was no one at the school stadium. We divided into two teams and started playing, but nothing worked out for us. I was immediately confused. It is unclear who is playing for whom. Everyone's faces are the same, and so are their clothes. You take the ball away, and he shouts: “I’m playing for you!” - and he hits my goal.

Then someone suggested that the three of them take off their shirts. After this, it immediately became clear who was for whom.

We finished playing only in the evening, around six o'clock. Everyone was hungry. We went home and somehow forgot that I lived alone today, and everyone else came to visit me.

Dad was embarrassed and took the other by the hand.

What day are you from?

“And I’m from today,” I answered.

No need! - Mom shouted. - This was not enough yet. If you bring a whole company of men here, they will all get mixed up, and feed them all dinner.

What kind of men are these? - Dad was indignant. - These are your husbands, only from the past days.

“I don’t need so many husbands,” my mother answered. - One is enough for me. Otherwise, I’ll go now and get myself ready in a whole week.

Bring them,” Dad shouted, “at least these children will have mothers.”

In general, we spent a long time figuring out who to send where. The second grandfather was the last to leave. And when dad was returning back, something rang in the car, sparked, and there was a smell of burning in the office. My mother, grandfather and I were terribly scared. If the car had broken down, we would never have seen our dad again. And this damn unit began to shake and shoot like a machine gun. Then I shouted: “Dad!”, quickly opened the door, and our dear dad crawled out on all fours. He jumped away from the burning time machine, and then Murka’s neighbor’s cats began jumping out of the cabin onto the floor, one after another.

She came to see us yesterday. Remember? - Dad said, turning pale. - But how did they get into the car and why are there so many of them?

“Nine grand,” I said.

The cats ran all over the apartment, and we started pouring water on the car. We put out the fire, but we couldn’t save the car. And most importantly, dad doesn’t know how to fix it. The whole unit burned down, but no one remembers from which TV or vacuum cleaner. So I had to throw this car away. And we still assign cats to people we know. Six have already been given away, and three still live with us. The neighbor, when she sees them, shakes her head and says:

Well, the spitting image of my Murka.

Long awaited summer holidays have just begun, and many schoolchildren have already left for their dachas and sports camps. Those who had grandparents in the village went to live with them for the summer and, apart from the little ones, there were only two fifth-graders left in our old Moscow courtyard: Seryozhka Bubentsov and Oleg Morkovnikov. Both of them were terribly cocky and, on occasion, loved to boast colorfully. Both were impatiently waiting for their parents' vacation to begin and had already told each other ten times who would go where on vacation. Seryozhka was tall and thin, with large ears and large ridges on his face. Oleg was inferior to him in height, but he was as strong as a boletus mushroom and very assertive. However, both of them had enough stubbornness, and the boys often started small quarrels.

On that fine sunny day, Seryozhka and Oleg jumped out of their entrances almost simultaneously. Both of them were in a completely bad mood. Seryozhka’s mother scolded him for tripping the house robot Urfin’s leg, and with all his might he sprawled out in the hallway with a roar. And Oleg received a scolding from his grandmother. He caught a wasp, stuck it in the robot's head, and the electronic assistant named Boy had a buzzing in his head all morning and had trouble hearing his grandmother's orders.

The guys met in the middle of the yard and almost immediately began to quarrel. They could not agree on who would be the first to spin on a yard centrifuge simulator for novice cosmonauts. The boys pushed each other away like roosters, puffing out their chests and walking in circles for a long time.

“I came out much earlier than you,” Seryozhka said, not allowing Oleg to climb onto the centrifuge seat.

I didn’t see it! - Oleg responded indignantly and tried to push his opponent away with his chest. - I was already standing on the porch, and you just appeared from the entrance.

“Yes, I came out when you weren’t there yet,” Seryozhka said, pushing Oleg away from the exercise machine with his stomach. - Then I entered the entrance again and came out again.

“I actually started walking two hours ago,” Oleg lied. - I was running home to have breakfast.

Seryozhka wanted to make up a story about how he spent the whole night in the yard, but it was an obvious lie, and he answered defiantly:

And last night I wanted to spin.

Yesterday doesn't count! - Oleg was delighted and grabbed the seat of the exercise machine with his hand. - You never know what happened yesterday. Maybe yesterday I stood in line for ice cream. Do you think they'll let me go ahead today? You would have remembered a week ago.

Unable to find an answer to this fair remark, Seryozhka became angry and threatened:

If you don't move away, you'll get hit in the neck!

You?! To me?! - Oleg grinned unkindly and, in turn, firmly promised: - If you don’t let me spin, you’ll get it in the ear!

In fact, neither one nor the other wanted to fight. It was a wonderful day, both knew the strength of the enemy and both were afraid to lose in the fight. Therefore, the guys tried more to scare each other and make do with it.

“Yes, I’ll give you one with my left hand,” said Seryozhka and, to be convincing, showed left hand.

And I’ll throw you over my shoulder with one throw,” Oleg boasted of his knowledge of wrestling techniques.

You probably haven’t seen my cousin,” Seryozhka shook his head so that it immediately became clear to Oleg, cousin he is terrible and only very stupid man. - Do you know how strong he is? He'll put you down with one finger, and you won't even have time to utter a word.

Yes? - Oleg was not very scared. - You haven't seen my second cousin. He's really healthy. He will put your brother with one little finger. My brother has been boxing since the first grade.

And I...” Seryozhka began, but didn’t have time to think of anything else to hit the enemy with and remembered his dad: “And my dad does karate.” He will give it to your brother once, and he will fly away.

Ha ha! - Oleg laughed in his face. - And my dad still practices karate, and also judo and jiu-jitsu. He will hit your dad, and he will somersault in the air.

In fact, the boys knew very well what their dads were doing. Seryozhka’s dad worked as a mechanic at a nearby auto repair shop and was very quiet, kind person. And Oleg’s dad was always traveling around the country with puppet theater and in his entire life he never offended a single living creature. And yet the boys lied shamelessly and got so carried away that they eventually switched to their home robots.

And my robot lifts three hundred kilograms,” said Seryozhka. “He’ll just blow on your dad, and it’ll leave a wet spot.”

Surprised! - Oleg laughed strainedly. - My robot can lift as much as half a ton. He will give your Oorfene a click and he will fall down. And by the way, robots don't blow. They don't have lungs.

Yes? - said Seryozhka, akimbo. - Well, let's see whose robot is stronger. Come on, come on!

“Come on,” Oleg immediately agreed. - I even feel sorry for your Urfin. You'll have to scrap it.

We’ll see, no one has ever defeated my robot before, Seryozha answered and he was absolutely right. His Oorfene really never lost in battles, because he never fought with anyone. “Run after your Boy,” said Seryozhka. - Meet me here.

The boys went home and returned a few minutes later with their house helpers. The robots Urfin and Boy were exactly alike because they were bought in the same store. Only Oorfene had a translator with an airplane pasted on his chest, and Boy had one with an ocean liner.

The boys brought the robots to the simulator, and Seryozhka said to Urfin:

Come on, deal with Boy. Let's see which of you is stronger. Come on, don't be afraid. If anything happens, I will help you.

The robots, hugging each other, continued on their way and suddenly Urfin started singing an old Russian song with a metallic bass:

Through the wild steppes of Transbaikalia, where gold is dug in the mountains...

The tramp, cursing his fate, - Boy picked up in the same bass voice, - trudged along with a bag on his shoulders.

Mushroom pickers

A domestic robot named Feofan lived with his owners in the country all summer, and he loved it. Every night he waited impatiently for the sun to rise, and when it began to get light, he went out onto the porch and stood there until a huge golden ball rolled out from behind the forest. Having met the dawn, Feofan took a small basket and went to the nearest forest to pick mushrooms for breakfast for his owners. This happened this time too.

It took Feofan one hour to fill his basket to the brim. He had very keen photocells and a good sense of smell. Therefore, he saw and felt mushrooms from afar.

Having filled the almost full basket, Feofan suddenly noticed a neighbor’s robot named Chapek ahead. The owners named it after the Czech writer Karel Capek, who coined the word “robot.” Chapek also held a basket in the manipulator, and Feofan called out to him:

Good morning, Chapek! Did you pick a lot of mushrooms?

Oh, hello! - the neighbor's robot was happy. - The box is full. Some are white and boletus.

They sat down next to each other on two tree stumps and began chatting.

How are the hinges, don't they rust? - Feofan asked politely.

Thank you, it’s fine,” Chapek replied. - But the elbow screw on the left manipulator keeps coming loose. I'm about to lose that one. You have to carry a screwdriver with you.